Siren's Song
by ScarletMaximoffWitch
Summary: Siren could stand pain, it had been the only constant in her life, but this, this felt like the pain would kill her. She tried to not scream at first. Tried to hold it in by biting her lip so much it bled. She couldn't do it though, her body convulsed and the first pain filled scream tore itself from her throat.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE AVENGERS**

The alarm blaring woke her. It was soon followed by a mix of Russian and German yelling, closely following that were gun shots and explosions. She patiently, calmly, waited for her handler to come unlock her cell to give her orders.

"Of dveri'!" _Away from the door._ The harsh Russian yell came. She didn't move, she wasn't anywhere near the door, she knew the rules. Despite the frantic panic the building seemed to be in the door opened slowly, cautiously. After the man was sure it was safe he was far more confident, he was new at this, still not used to the human weapon who did nothing but obey orders.

"My nakhodimsya pod atakoy. Mstiteli. Ubit' ikh vsekbh i prinesti nam Zimniy Soldar." W _e are under attack. The avengers. Kill them all and bring us the Winter Soldier._

She accepted her weapons; two escrima sticks, several knives and two handguns. "Schastlivym soblyudat'." _Happy to comply._ The monotone voice of the slave answered before leaving to join the fight.

Bullets flew through the air, as did bombs, grenades, arrows and a red, white and blue shield. The noise was cacophonous but didn't bother her in the least, a sign of how many battles she'd been in, the Avengers were already in the building being held up by Hydra agents. Jumping straight into the fight, she pulled her two guns out and fired them simultaneously at her opponent's trying to distract them for the other agents.

She'd find the Soldier first and incapacitate him, then deal with the rest. She could hear the familiar whirr of a metal arm, the sound almost comforting after so many missions with it. She shook her head angrily, she was a weapon, she didn't have feelings, she was made to comply and that was all. Pulling her two sticks off her back, she twirled them in her hands and charged the traitor.

"Sirena?" _Siren?_ The Soldier sounded shocked as he blocked her furious attacks, ducking, bobbing, jumping, twirling and weaving away from the weapons he knew could do some serious damage. He ducked under a stick only to catch a powerful kick in the chest, knocking the air from his lungs, she didn't stop her deadly assault until she saw a shield come flying towards her. Flipping over it she turned to see her new attacker, America's Golden Boy, Captain America. Upon seeing her face he seemed to falter. She could guess why, she looked young, she knew that and he was too good, too nice. That opening was all she needed, before he could react she was wrapped around his body, sat on his shoulders and using his own weight and momentum against him to slam him into the ground in a move that reminded him far too much of the Black Widow's fighting style.

She was fighting both Captain America and the Soldier at the same time, using their bodies against each other and it felt to them like she was winning. It seemed as though they hadn't landed a hit and all hers landed somewhere, painfully. Steve was again reminded of Natasha's fighting style when he was tossed onto the ground and Bucky landed on top of him.

"You boys need a hand?" Black Widow asked, amusement tainting her usual stoic tone as she charged her widow bites. The girl had just caught one of Hawkeye's exploding arrows that was heading toward another soldier and hurled it at Iron Man before it had chance to explode, she didn't watch to make sure it hit her target, she had confidence in her skills, instead she pulled out two knives and rounded on the Widow.

Natasha Romanov earned the title of being one of the worlds greatest spies at a young age. She was proud of it. Proud of how nothing shocked her and how on the very rare occasion it did, no one could tell. This, however, everyone saw this. It was as thought it happened in slow motion, she had caught a glimpse of their newest opponent, seen the long brown hair with parts of it braided but that was all before she had to dodge bullets. Now she could see her properly and her heart damn near stopped. Green eyes that were cold and calculating, showing no emotion. Green eyes that she was so familiar with, that she thought she'd never see again.

"Katarina?" She gasped. There was no recognition in those eyes and suddenly she was blocking knives swinging for her head. "Fermata Katarina prega." _Katarina stop please._ She continued, speaking in Italian hoping that would get through to her.

Natasha caught her wrist, knocking a knife from her hand and kicking it away from the two. Natasha still seemed to be in shock but that wasn't slowing her down, the two met scarily matched, neither landing a hit but refusing to give in, every move was being blocked. Natasha watched Siren roll backwards, away from her, then move her arm in a sweeping motion. Natasha was knocked into the wall near her.

"Questo è il nuovo." _That's new._ Natasha grumbled dragging herself back up. Iron Man was now distracting the girl, firing his repulsors at her. Siren seemed to have given up on the weapons using her powers, powers Natasha can't remember her ever having, to send the shots right back, forcing Tony to dodge.

Shockingly it was an arrow that finally took the super powered girl down. Whilst she was busy fighting hand to hand with Captain America and the Winter Soldier as well as dodging and sending back whatever Iron Man was throwing at her, Hawkeye had shot an arrow at her that she hadn't noticed. The electrically charged arrow hit the base of her skull shocking her, she fell to her knee's only to be hit by another and another so she finally blacked out.

* * *

Her head hurt, that was the first thing she noticed. The second was that she was comfortable, which meant she was not with Hydra. Then, cursing herself for not noticing straight away, she heard the familiar beeping of a heart monitor.

"Sirena ya znayu, chto vy ne spite." _Siren I know you are awake._ A voice, the Soldiers voice, said from somewhere near her head. "Vy zdes' v bezopasnosti. Obeshchayu." _You are safe here. I promise._

"Predatel'." _Traitor._ She spat out, her eyes shot open and the glare she gave the Soldier promised pain and death.

"Net." _No._ The Soldier shook his head. "YA bezhal, ya poluchil moi vospominaniya obratno. Oni bol'she ne kontroliruyut menya." _I escaped, I got my memories back. They no longer control me._

"Predatel'!" _Traitor!_ The word sounded like a curse and she took great pleasure in the flinch it got from Soldier. The Soldier sighed, looking upset. "Oni sdelali vas slabymi. Oruzhiye s chuvstvami , kak bespolezno." _They have made you weak. A weapon with feelings how useless._ She scoffed.

He looked at her with pity. "YA bol'she ne oruzhiye. YA chelovek, vy mozhete byt' slishkom, yesli vy pozvolite name pomoch' vam." _I am no longer a weapon. I am a human, you can be too if you let us help you._

"YA oruzhiye, eto moya obyazannost' soblyudat'. On ispol'zuyetsya dlya tvoyegotozhe." _I am a weapon, it is my duty to comply. It used to be yours too._

"Oni dadut vam obratno svoi vospominaniya . Oni budut udaleny promyvaniya mozgov. Vy poymete togda." _They will give you back your memories. They will erase the brainwashing. You will understand then._ The Soldier said, standing up and leaving. Machines powered up and her eyes closed against her will.

Siren could stand pain, it had been the only constant in her life, but this, this felt like the pain would kill her. She tried to not scream at first. Tried to hold it in by biting her lip so much it bled. She couldn't do it though, her body convulsed and the first pain filled scream tore itself from her throat. She screamed and screamed as her body thrashed around, then suddenly she stopped. The sound of the machines and the heart beat monitor the only noise as Siren's memories were returned to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews, follows and favourites. I'm so happy you all like Siren!**

 **Disclaimer: I still do not own the Avengers or Marvel.**

 _Pain. Her arm was already broken, blood was dripping into her eyes from a deep cut on her forehead, she was struggling to breathe, but that metal arm still came at her and wrapped around her throat and lifted her into the air. She gasped and tried to pull it off her but it was no use, black spots lined her vision, she couldn't fail, she knew what happened to failures. She had to prove her worth. Prove she had gotten better._

 _She kicked him in the shin. Hard. Hard enough to make him drop her. She was back in the fight. Ducking under the knife, she caught his arm as it swung back at her and smashed her open palm into his wrist making him drop the knife. The fight was slightly more even now._

 _Punches and kicks were thrown, dodged and countered. God knows how long they had been fighting. Training, her mind supplied, this was training, if they were properly fighting she would already be dead. Her legs were swept from underneath her and her head slammed painfully against the concrete floor. No training mats. There wouldn't be protection if this were a real fight, why use it now?_

 _What felt like an age later and she now had a dislocated collar bone and who knows how many broken and cracked ribs, she also felt like a walking bruise. Her opponent wasn't as injured but she had still got him good. Black eyes, a broken nose, from the way he was favouring his left leg she had done some damage to his right, she was also pretty sure she had broken his wrist._

 _The fight ended when she had gotten herself onto his shoulders, she planned on using his own weight to flip him, but he had grabbed her with that damn metal arm and pulled her over his head slamming her into the ground. Even more pain. She couldn't get up after that, she laid there stunned and coughing. A hand wrapped around her throat again, it wasn't cutting off her oxygen supply this time but she knew the meaning, she had lost this fight. Again._

 _She heard slow clapping and the Soldier got off her, he didn't help her up, that was weakness and weakness was not allowed. She dragged herself up, ignoring the pain and stood shakily next to the Soldier._

" _Vy stali luchshe. Vy uvoleny,"_ You have gotten better. You are dismissed.

 _She walked out of the room as if she weren't in pain. Two men followed her with guns as she went to the medical room, in there they did the bare minimum to sort her wounds out, she healed quicker than normal, thanks to these people, anyway. They set her bones and wrapped her ribs, then sterilised the wounds. No pain medicine was used but she was used to the pain anyway. Why waste precious supplies on a weapon?_

 _After gruelling fights like that one she was given a larger meal than normal and allowed to rest in her quarters. Her room, if you could call it that, was a tiny thing with no windows it had a tiny sink in the corner as well as a toilet, a single bed with a mattress so thin it might as well not be there. To light the room there was a single light bulb dangling from the ceiling emitting a pitiful light, the door was big and made of steel, the walls were concrete as was the floor, nothing was decorated._

 _She laid on the bed and pulled the threadbare blanket on top of herself. Her right hand was handcuffed to the metal bedpost, which used to be uncomfortable but now she couldn't imagine sleeping without it. She heard the heavy door slam and the lock click, then the bolt move into position, there was no escaping this room._

 _A small, dirty mirror was above the sink, she could see her pale, bruised face in it. Her green eyes dull and sunken, her face with baby fat she hadn't shed yet. She opened her mouth slightly to see two missing teeth, one punched out by the Soldier and the other fell out yesterday. She would guess her age at six, but she honestly had no idea, it's not like they celebrated birthdays here. She turned her head angrily, she hated that mirror, looking at herself made her angry._

 _They told her she was a weapon but when she looked at that tiny mirror she didn't look like a weapon, she looked like a little girl and it confused her. She didn't like being confused._

* * *

 _She was slightly older, and much better at fighting now. Sparring between her and the Soldier were longer and she was getting hurt less, more of her hits struck as well. Last fight she almost won but that damn metal arm got her again._

 _She was currently on a roof, assembling her sniper rifle, waiting for her target to come. Looking through the scope she searched for him. A politician, she didn't know what he had done to earn this fate and she didn't ask. She was to follow orders not question them._

 _Her target walked down the street completely unaware of the sniper rifle trained on him, unaware of the girl fingering the trigger ready to put a bullet through his skull, completely unaware of the fact his life is about to end prematurely. She watched through the scope as a girl that looked a similar age to her rushed up to man, jumping into his waiting arms, her blue eyes sparkling innocently and the beautiful white dress she was wearing made her look all the more innocent. She hated the little girl who had clearly never wanted for anything in her life. The mans wife stood next to him and kissed his cheek. The whole situation so normal, they'd probably done this a million times, except this one was different, not that they knew but this would be the last time they'd get the chance._

 _Aiming the shot, she squeezed the trigger with practiced ease, expertly ignoring the kick back that bruised her shoulder. She continued to watch as the man fell down to the ground and the wife looked at him confused. She wanted to shoot the daughter to, blind rage coursed through her at the girls cries. If she cried she'd get beaten, the girl was weak and it wasn't fair she got a normal life. Weakness got people killed, she knew this. The girl should die. It was the rules. She couldn't do it though, her orders were to kill the man then leave, going off mission would get her punished. She started to pack the gun away as she heard the wife scream and the little girl yell loudly at her daddy to wake up. He wouldn't. He was dead, the girl was just stupid she thought._

 _She ignored the screaming that should have torn at her heart, she put the sniper in the case and made her way off the roof, down the stairs and into another street where the Soldier was waiting for her. She handed him the case, that looked like a suitcase and fit with his business suit. He took her hand in his gloved one that was hiding his metal arm. To anyone passing by they would be father and daughter, not highly trained assassins. He whistled a cab as they got in he asked to go to the airport in Hungarian, the Soldier was only here to be her extraction plan, as unfortunately a little girl on a plane by herself attracted attention. She closed her eyes and snuggled into the side of the Soldier acting her part of a tired little girl._

" _Ámos apuka,"_ Sleepy daddy. _She said in her most innocent voice around a fake yawn._

" _Maradj ébren angyal. Akkor aludni a repülő,"_ Stay awake angel. You can sleep on the plane _._

 _Soon enough she was back in her room, handcuffed to the bed, staring at the tiny mirror wondering what her life would've been like if she grew up like the girl did._

* * *

 _Back in Russia she was in a different training facility. Her and the Soldier were to help train the KGB's new operatives the Black Widows. She was younger than them all but better, she proved that. One recruit stood out above the rest, Natalia Romanaova, was clearly their best._

 _Natalia was currently preparing for a mission, one she was excited about. Siren had been picked to come with her to make sure nothing went wrong. They would be in Eastern Europe, assassinating leaders to help a rebellion, there would be no contact with anyone and they would on rely on each other. Siren didn't know how she felt about that, if she were to have a partner on missions it was usually the Soldier, it wasn't trust the two had but a mutual sort of respect. They knew each other well enough to know what they were doing without speaking._

" _Kak vas zovut?"_ What is your name? _Natalia asked, she was finally away from handlers and the freedom was going to her head._

" _Sirena,"_ Siren. _She answered in the cold voice she always used._

" _Nastoyashecheye imya ne vasha Kodovoye,"_ Your real name not your codename.

 _Siren looked at her confused she didn't like Natalia any more, she confused her, "Sirena,"_ Siren. _She answered again. Natalia looked at her sadly but said nothing more._

 _They had been helping the rebellion for two months now. In that time Siren had played many different girls, innocent, snarky, spoilt, orphaned, naive, lovely, a survivor, she played them all perfectly. Natalia was in awe of the younger girl who slipped in and out of people and personalities so easily, changing them more than a person changes clothes._

 _They were in an abandoned bomb shelter to rest for the night._

" _Vam nuzhno imya,"_ You need a name. _Natalia said._

" _Ne,"_ Do not. _Siren sighed, this was not the first time Natalia had told her this._

" _Kazhdyy chelovek dolzhen imet' imya,"_ Everyone should have a name.

" _YA oruzhiye. Mne ne nuzhno imya,"_ I am a weapon. I do not need a name.

" _A chto teper'? Vy oruzhiye seychas?"_ What about now? Are you a weapon now?

" _YA vsegda oruzhiye,"_ I am always a weapon. _Siren sighed, Natalia just didn't get it, she still remembered life before the Red Room got her, no matter how hazy it was. This was all Siren knew, all she was and all she'd ever be._

" _Yesli ya dolzhen imet' imya, to imya mne,"_ If I must have a name, then name me. _Siren was saying this just so she could get some sleep._

" _Menya? Vykhotite, chtoby ya nazval vas?"_ Me? You want me to name you?" _Siren just nodded. Their shelter was silent, Siren wondered if Natalia had fallen asleep. If she had maybe she wouldn't remember this in the morning._

" _Katarina. Mne nravitsya Katarina,"_ Katarina. I like Katarina. _Natalia finally said. Siren, no Katarina now, nodded._

" _Katarina," She whispered into the night as she fell asleep._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows.**

 **Trigger Warning: Implied sexual abuse during the second memory, skip if it will trigger you.**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own Marvel**

* * *

 _Siren was on another mission with Natalia. She was still unsure of Natalia, the girl made her comprised, she was sure of it. Natalia called her Katarina whenever they were alone. She made Siren feel human something she was not meant to be, but Siren couldn't help but be drawn to Natalia. She was beautiful and graceful, she liked watching Natalia do ballet, it made the older girl look angelic._

 _The two girls were in America, they were to lead the American government on a wild goose chase whilst Soldier took the Intel they were suspected to have back to Russia. Siren didn't even know what state they were in anymore. Natalia was doing all the driving as she had begged Siren to let her. Music played on the radio but neither girl could sing along as they didn't know the words, they didn't know any songs._

" _Why are all songs about love?" Natalia asked with no hint of an accent. Siren shrugged, how was she supposed to know. "Would love matter to us if we lived a normal life?" Questions like that were dangerous but Natalia knew that but Siren wouldn't tell anyone. Natalia trusted her and that was also dangerous._

" _It doesn't matter, this is our life. Don't waste time on what ifs," Siren finally answered in a perfect American accent. Natalia looked sad and Siren hated it, she also hated that she would do anything just to rid Natalia of that sad look._

" _Lets stop for pancakes," Siren said, the two girls had only discovered this food whilst on their sort of road trip and fell in love with them. Natalia's eyes lit up and she started scanning the streets for somewhere to eat._

 _Siren looked at herself in the car mirror, she was over hating her reflection now. She thought she was pretty, tanned skin, brown eyes and lovely, long brown hair. She was proud of her body, toned and muscled, that could get men and women to do whatever she wanted them to._

 _She looked older than she was thanks to experiments. They had wanted her body to develop quicker so she could use it for them, they had also enhanced her senses and made her physically stronger. She had heard talk of more experiments to give her powers but she didn't know if that were even possible. She imagined it would be very painful though, all their experiments and procedures were._

 _Natalia's hand in hers dragged her out of her thoughts, she was being pulled into a diner. She looked down at their entwined hands and knew that her and Natalia were playing a dangerous game._

* * *

 _Siren was on a mission with Soldier some tyrant had gotten out of prison and the rebels from his country want him dead. They were to give the man everything and anything he wanted, he'd paid handsomely for their service, their handlers were there to go over something or other with the tyrant. The two assassins were just there for protection._

" _Tova e dobra vodka,"_ This is good vodka. _The man said in Bulgarian knocking back the vodka with a look of bliss on his face. "Az propusnakh dve neshtav zatvora. Alkokholût i zhenite,"_ I missed two things in prison. Alcohol and women. _He said blatantly staring at Siren. She tensed as did Soldier. "Imakh edno , kakvo shte kazhesh za drugiya?"_ I have had one, how about the other?

 _Her handler clicked his fingers and like the good obedient slave she was, Siren walked over to them. She didn't speak she knew better than to speak unless addressed. The tyrant looked at her young body, breasts just developing, with lust filled eyes._

" _Shte pravi kakvoto si iska,"_ You will do whatever he asks for. _She was ordered before being led into the bedroom of the penthouse suite they were hiding in._

" _Ti si krasiva,"_ You are pretty. _He said caressing her cheek, "Obicham khubavi neshta,"_ I like pretty things.

 _His lips slammed into hers hard, she remained still, eyes still open. He pulled back angrily, "Tseluni obratno!"_ Kiss back! _He spat forcing himself onto her mouth again. This time she kissed back, just how she'd been taught, turning the man into mush. She felt nothing, showed no emotion on her face. He pushed her harshly onto the bed and climbed on top of her, wrapping his hands around her throat, choking her. "Strakhuvaĭ se ot men!"_ Fear me!

 _Sirens face went from passive to one of pure fear, pretending to scared of this man whom she could easily kill. Once he was done she dressed quickly and went back to the main room, she went to stand by Soldier who looked at her with a question in his eyes as he eyed the bruises that now littered her skin and her split lips. She nodded, the two had developed a strange sort of relationship, one where they couldn't do anything to help the other but would silently ask if they were okay. He didn't believe her but she was, this was not the first time they had used her like this and she knew it wouldn't be the last. It was her job, therefore she would do it._

 _She knew Natalia hated it, they had been on a mission with each other where Siren, Katarina to Natalia, had been taken by then men they were helping, passed around like a toy until they had their fill. Natalia was nearly sick when she saw what was happening to her closest, no, only friend but knew better than to react. She watched as her Katarina was used without showing the smallest trace of emotion, only a tiny smile as she walked back to Natalia._

* * *

 _More missions with Natalia and she was right. It started of simple, deep conversations when they were alone at night on missions, what ifs and I wonders, then it developed into bed sharing, hugs and cheek kisses all on missions so they wouldn't get caught, then that wasn't enough it escalated to proper kisses and whispers of emotions in the dead of night, as if that would protect them. It was dangerous, it would get them killed, but they couldn't stop it._

 _Natalia was the first one to whisper a soft "Ya lyublyu tebya,"_ I love you _. It didn't shock Natalia that Katarina panicked, after all the girl had never heard those words before, it was only natural. Natalia was scared of them too._

 _Natalia said all the right things to calm Katarina down, just like she always did. She even got a soft "YA tozhe tebya lyublyu,"_ I love you, too _. That night in an abandoned warehouse they were hiding in Katarina gave herself to someone for the first time willingly and found it made all the difference._

* * *

 _Her Mama and Papa were running late, tiny four year old, Alexandria stood in the playground at school near her teacher. It had been her first day at nursery and her Mama and Papa were going to pick her up and ask all about her day, they had promised. Then her big brother was going to take her for ice cream like he did every Monday she would go with him and meet his friends who called her Princess and included her in everything, doted on her._

 _She was super excited to show them the drawing she had done. It was of the whole family in front of their house on a nice sunny day playing in the garden. It all happened so quickly she couldn't even properly remember it, she went over to the sandpit to play because she got bored of waiting. Then something was over her face, it smelled funny and made her sleepy. She tried to fight it but couldn't and went limp in someone's arms._

 _When she woke up she was scared and cold, her head hurt and everything was fuzzy and their was a weird taste in her mouth._

" _Ona ne spit,"_ She's awake.

" _YA khochu, chtoby moya mumiya,"_ I want my mummy. _She cried._

" _Tikhaya devochka,"_ Quiet girl. _A man hissed at her_. _"Vy uvereny, chto eto budet rabotat'?"_ Are you sure this will work?

" _Da. Ona budet tak zhe khorosho, kak Zimniy Soldat, yesli ne luchshe,"_ Yes. She will be just as good as the Winter Soldier, if not better. _The man moved over to her with a needle and jabbed it into her neck, she started to scream and thrash around trying to get away from the man but she was tied to the bed. Whatever the injected her with began to work and she slowly lost consciousness._

* * *

 _She had been here for a year now but because of the brainwashing little Alexandria thought she'd been there her whole life, she was a quick learner, already getting good at different languages and fighting techniques. She could take a gun apart and put it back together in record time, blindfolded. They had done things to her head now too, she was no longer Alexandria, that little girl was long gone, she was Siren now. An unfeeling assassin, a weapon. She was given her first proper mission today. Three targets needed to be eradicated, a married couple and their son._

 _The house looked familiar but Siren couldn't figure out why. It looked just like every other house on this street but something called out to her. Almost like she'd been here before. Siren shook her head, she had been in the compound her whole life, she'd never known anywhere else._

 _She entered the house through the back and saw it was nothing but ordinary. She headed into the hallway and saw family photos. Her three targets were in most of them as well as a little girl, a little girl that looked exactly like her. But it couldn't be her, she didn't have family, just the doctors, scientists and agents at the compound._

 _This little girl was smiling and laughing with the boy, sat on the man's lap with a book, or on a bike with him holding onto her, sitting on a chair in front of the women who was running a brush through her hair and dressing her up like a princess._

 _It was her, the little girl, it had to be. They looked exactly alike, it couldn't be anyone else. How was it her? Her head hurt as images of her with these three people invaded her mind, she was calling the man Papa, the women Mama. The boy was calling her Princess, she was calling him big brother, but she didn't have a family. How was any of this possible?_

 _Siren shook her head, she had a mission to do. She crept silently up the stairs, being careful to avoid the fourth step which for some reason she seemed to know creaked, she headed straight to the room she knew the adults were in._

 _The room looked normal, yet so familiar, cream walls, a king bed with two peaceful bodies in it, more family photos. Why was she in them? The women had a stuffed otter on her bedside table, it looked like it had been well played with, bits of stitching coming out of it, permanently stained from use._

 _She stared at it, a fuzzy memory flashing through her mind. Rushing up to the adorable stuffed creature and begging her big brother to get it for her, taking it everywhere with her, but that's not right. She is a weapon, she has never had a stuffed animal, or any sort of toy._

 _She slowly crept over to the man, silently pulling a knife out. Positioning it at his throat, she put her hand over his mouth to keep him silent, and swiftly slit it. The man's eyes flew open as he chocked on his own blood. Those eyes, a familiar blue that used to comfort her, she knew those eyes but how? The women slept on peacefully next to her dead husband not knowing that she wouldn't wake up. Walking over to the women, she picked up one of the throw pillows on the ground and roughly pushed it into her face. The women woke panicked, slapping the tiny hands pushing the pillow harder into her face. Siren held the pillow over the women's face until she stopped moving, then for a little bit longer. She slowly removed the pillow making sure the women's eyes were still shut. She couldn't bear to see them, for some reason she seemed to know the exact shade of green they were, bright and always filled with warmth. She didn't want to see that, if she saw that she didn't think she would've been able to finish her mission, and the mission always had to be completed._

 _Now it was time for the son. Moving to the boys room, she saw it was a typical boys room. Posters of girls and football teams on the walls, clothes on the floor, a messy bed with a boy, young man, star-fished on it._

 _Small hands looked even smaller as she pulled the gun from her waistband, she looked confused at them as they shook. Guns had always been apart of her life, she was used to them, why was she shaking? Too lost in her musings she failed to notice the plate left on the floor and stepped on it, the smashing of it waking the boy. Blurry eyed, he sat up and flicked his lamp on. Siren froze, she'd been caught. How could she be so careless? The boy looked at her, eyes wide with unshed tears._

" _Aleksandriya?"_ Alexandria. _He asks. "Aleksandriya eto ty?"_ Alexandria is that you?

 _Siren stares at him. Alexandria, who the hell was Alexandria? Why was he calling her that? She was Siren. She trained her gun on him, her hands now steady and she watched his face morph into shock and fear._

" _Aleksandriya , chto ty delayesh'?"_ Alexandria what are you doing? _Her finger toyed with the trigger why was she finding this so hard. She had her orders, kill the family, destroy the home, go to the rendezvous point and return to the compound. This should be easy, why wasn't it?_

" _Aleksandriya eto ya. Yego Viktor. Tvoy brat,"_ Alexandria it's me. It's Viktor. Your brother.

 _Brother? She didn't have a brother. She didn't have a family, but if she did it would explain why she was in these photos._

" _Ty moya missiya,"_ You are my mission. _She answered in a cold voice. The boy winced. Why? He didn't know her._

" _Chto oni sdelali s toboy, printessa?"_ What did they do to you, Princess?

 _Flashes of this boy playing with her went through her mind. Laughter, love, warmth, happiness, safety. Her head hurt, she slowly moved her gun down and stepped closer to the boy._

" _Vy pomnite menya? Ran'she ya vas dyla morozhenogo vse vremya. Vy nikogdda ne yedyat svoy chay posle etogo, ya khotel by poluchit' tak mnogo problem,"_ You remember me? I used to take you for ice cream all the time. You'd never eat your tea afterwards, I'd get in so much trouble. _He laughed._

 _Her head. It hurt so much. The gun was held loosely in one hand, she remembered ice cream, rocky road was her favourite, she was only supposed to have one scoop but her brother, Viktor, always got her two. Her nose began to bleed, pain seared through her skull. Viktor kept talking, reminding her of things. It hurt. Oh god did it hurt. She knew how to stop this, she had to get him to stop talking. If he shut up the pain would go away. It started when he started so if he stopped it would stop, wouldn't it?_

 _She brought the gun back up again, confidently, she aimed at his head finger on the trigger. Her brother, no she didn't have a brother, Viktor, her target, she didn't care about his name, he was about to die anyway, looked sad, resigned._

" _Ya lyublyu tebya, Printesessa. Ya proshchayu tebya,"_ I love you, Princess. I forgive you. _He said as she squeezed the trigger. She watched the body slump back onto the bed._

 _She exited the room and paused at the adults' doorway, staring at the stuffed otter. She wanted it, god did she want it. Weapons don't form attachments, she reprimanded herself as she exited the house. It had been rigged to explode earlier, as soon as she was clear she pressed the trigger and heard the explosions._

 _It was over. The mission always had to be completed._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you guys so much, this story is getting some love. Thanks for all the favourites, reviews, follows and PMs.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.**

* * *

 _It was Natalia's idea. They were in Berlin, Siren had infiltrated an organisation that had been getting too close to the secret of creating their own super soldiers. Once she collected all the information a secret code had been sent out to the Soldier and Natalia containing the coordinates of the lab, between the three of them it didn't take very long to kill everyone and destroy everything. Having been away from the Red Room longer than ever, their hold on Natalia seemed to get weaker. She had the bright idea of running away._

 _After Natalia started to attempt to persuade her two companions, her two friends, Soldier started talking about a small blond boy called Steve. He spoke about how he needed to protect the boy who was prone to illness and now he was all alone. Siren didn't know what was wrong with them, she didn't understand. She had nothing, the tiny ghost of Alexandria whispered for her to go. She didn't want to kill anymore, she was done letting men and women alike use and abuse her because of orders, so she agreed to go._

 _They were the best assassins for a reason, if they didn't want to be found they weren't going to be. They were in Italy when it happened, the three had got close, ridiculously so, they formed an attachment to each other, something that had never been allowed. Soldier, or Giovanni as he was going by now, became like Sirens older brother. She was going by Elizabeth, although she was still called Katarina by Natalia, Nicoletta, in the dead of night. They were loving their new-found freedom._

 _It was whilst Katarina was with Giovanni in the markets that everything went wrong. Her trigger words were said, neither were expecting it, they didn't even know their trigger words but suddenly she wasn't Katarina any more. She had gone from laughing at something to punching Soldier in the throat and then knocking him out._

 _Siren knew she had to get back to Russia, to her handler, for her orders. Why was she in Italy? Her last orders were about Germany, she had no reason to be here._

 _So she ran. The mission had clearly gone wrong somewhere. That's the only explanation she could think for why she was with Soldier in Italy. He must have a problem with his programming. He distracted her from her mission. Where was Natalia? She was supposed to be with her too. Her, Natalia and Soldier._

 _That didn't matter right now, she decided. Her main objective had to be to get back to her handler. Her handler would tell her what to do. He would tell her what happened and what she needed to focus on now._

 _Natalia and Soldier were important- No. They weren't. Her handler was important. Orders were important, complying to them even more._

 _Eventually, she stopped running, her lungs burning. Thankfully, her training had taught her to ignore that. She looked up, stood in front of an airport. She didn't know how she knew where this was, but that didn't matter either. She easily pickpocketed a pair of sunglasses from a woman's back pocket, then casually walked into the airport as she tried to focus on getting her breathing under control._

 _It wasn't as hard as the government would like for her to sneak onto a plane. Airport security was seriously lacking, she mused, sat on a plane. She had to get a layover as Italy didn't have a flight straight to Russia._

 _Hazy visions of eating strawberries and cream with Natalia on a veranda infiltrated her dreams and confused her. The whole scene was romantic and intimate and something she had never done. The only time she ate anything that wasn't rations was whilst undercover on missions. More romantic, intimate visions hit her, cuddling on rainy days near a window, candlelit dinners, domestic days where the sat legs entwined reading books or watching telly, she assumed they were from undercover operations. Natalia and her had been on many after all. How was she supposed to remember them all?_

 _She was shot at upon reaching the compound, then knocked out with special gas they had created specifically for her and Soldier, since they were immune to all others. She woke up strapped into the chair they used on her to take her memories and condition her. She told them everything, in a monotone voice as though she wasn't aware she was even talking._

 _She was still in that chair when they dragged Natalia and Soldier in, both unconscious, both hurt. Soldiers arm, that she hated so many years ago but had come to appreciate after it had saved her life a few times, had been ripped off, loose wires dangling from, where the metallic bicep had been. Soldier was roughly pushed into his chair next to Siren and Natalia was pulled through the room and out of another door, Siren watched until she could no longer see her._

 _They were punished. Worse than ever before. Worse than when missions were not completed, worse than when she knocked out one of her trainers and snapped his neck when he tried to touch her whilst handcuffed in her room. She could hear Soldier's screams and when he wasn't screaming, she was. Siren hadn't seen or heard anything from or about Natalia since she was dragged back in and away._

 _She didn't know how long they were stuck in those chairs for. They informed her one day that Natalia had been killed, she was fighting them too much and wasn't worth the trouble she was putting them through. Siren screamed, this time not out of physical pain but something else she couldn't name, this information hurt. Tears slid down her cheeks, she couldn't tell you a time she had cried before this. She doubted she ever had, crying was a sign of weakness and weakness was not allowed. They laughed as she thrashed around promising them a painful death. Then the machines turned on and they took Natalia from her again, wiping every trace of Natalia from her mind._

 _Siren and Soldier were forced to fight each other as punishment. Fight until seriously injured and unconscious. Forced to wail onto each other until they were unrecognisable. Punishment for getting too attached._

 _After their handlers were satisfied with the punishment they were wiped again to forget about their escape and their relationship with one another._

* * *

 _Siren was currently Nikita Berry. She was in Greece with Soldier who was pretending to be her brother Michael Berry. They had been there for five months and in that time she had gotten the worlds most dangerous arms dealer to fall in love with her, as was the plan._

 _They were currently in the best restaurant in the city, Siren laughing at some joke Argos had just told that wasn't even remotely funny, or maybe she just didn't get it. Her hand placed lightly on his arm, which was resting on the table, as she tossed her head back with the laughter. Argos kept looking at Soldier and she knew why. Soldier informed her yesterday that Argos had asked Michael permission to marry Nikita, the word permission used lightly, Argos had basically demanded Michael allow it. Soldier had agreed pretending to be happy someone would look after his sister as it had just been them their whole lives, or so their cover said. The proposal meant the mission was going perfectly._

 _So here Siren sat, awaiting a surprise proposal she would accept. After the dinner Soldier would leave something about overseas work, in reality he had two world leaders to assassinate. Siren would systematically destroy Argos' entire operation and then would kill him, after that would be her extraction and the next mission. All this because he refused to sell their handlers weapons._

" _Nikita Berry," Argos started, "Katá tin próti imerominia mas sas eipa tha itan I pio séxi orfanó eicha gnorisei poté kai óti exakolouthei na ischýei apópse,"_ Nikita Berry, on our first date I told you you were the sexiest orphan I'd ever met and that is still true tonight. _He laughed like he was funny. She smiled love shining in her eyes, she couldn't wait to kill him. "Xéro óti einai móno Échoun perásei pénte mines, allá eilikriná Béib agapó kai eimai o kalýteros eiste poté na párei,"_ I know it's only been five months but honestly, babe I love you and I'm the best you're ever getting. _He winked, Siren tightened her grip on her knife reminding herself she can't kill him yet._ "Pantr _épsou me, moró,"_ Marry me, babe.

 _It wasn't even a question, again this idiot was demanding things, demanding her. She was going to enjoy putting a bullet in his head. Siren forced tears to her eyes, they were rolling down her cheeks; big, fat and fake. Her hand over her heart she eagerly accepted the ring, as the heavy rock was put on her finger she couldn't help put think how much she hated jewellery. It always got in the way._

 _The restaurant patrons clapped and Soldier kissed her cheek, telling her how happy he was for her. Siren and Soldier were perfect actors, Siren had done things like this so often they were second nature to her, and yet something about this felt off. Something about the way he kissed her, the stubble rubbing against her skin, she hated it. The kiss felt possessive nothing like the ones that invaded her thoughts in the dead of night. She didn't understand though, the only time she had been kissed was on missions, all of the kisses felt like this, she was used to it, no one had ever kissed her with kindness. Why was this leaving her sick to the stomach?_

 _She made some bullshit excuse about taking her brother to the airport as she wouldn't be seeing him until the wedding now. Argos looked like he was going to complain but some whispered promises in a throaty voice, as her teeth scraped his ear lobe had him very agreeable. The two assassins were silent until halfway to the airport where Siren pulled over._

" _Ty v poeyadke?"_ Are you okay? _Soldier asked. Attachment. It was wrong but the two of them couldn't seem to help it._

 _Siren took a deep breath, the queasiness was getting to her "Eto ne pervyy raz, kogda ya zhenilsya,"_ This is not the first time I have married. _She reminded him closing her eyes tightly, she wanted to be sick. Where was this weakness coming from?_

" _Chto ne tak?"_ What is wrong?

" _Nichego Soldata. Eta missiya budet zavershena, i my pereydem k sleduyushchemu,"_ Nothing Soldier. This mission will be completed and we will move onto the next. _She started the car_ , _"Ya v poryadke,"_ I am fine. _She added quietly as if to convince herself._

 _Siren slept that night with dreams of a beautiful red head that made her heart flutter._

* * *

 _Siren had been married for six months now. The wedding was three weeks after the engagement, a rushed thing in which Soldier came and gave her away and she pretended to love every second of it and not notice the armed guards everywhere. She had to share a bed with him too, something that made her skin crawl. The sex she could deal with, she had always been able to disengage her body from her mind in situations like that all she had to do was remember to moan in the correct places and the whole thing was over in three minutes, if that. Sharing a bed with someone though, it was intimate and a sign of trust and she definitely didn't trust Argos. She hadn't slept well since she started sharing a bed with him, she never slept well but usually she could cuff one hand to the headboard to make it a little easier. It would all be over tonight though. She had destroyed the entire operation and Argos hadn't even realized, too caught up with the hot woman he got to screw whenever he wanted and claim as his._

 _Argos was asleep next to her, taking up three quarters of the bed and snoring like usual. Siren hated him, more than any of the others she's had to marry. She straddled his waist and started to kiss his neck hoping to wake him up. Her handlers wanted dramatic. He moaned, loudly, already getting hard. He was disgusting, he opened his eyes that were already fully blown with lust as he tried to force her to his lips. She let him, biting down softly on his bottom lip she moved her hands to his neck and jaw._

" _Chalázi Ýdra,"_ Hail Hydra. _She whispered in his ear, she enjoyed the shocked, scared look on his face as she snapped his neck. It was nearly over. She got dressed ready to attend the meeting Argos had with his second in commands, after she eradicated them she'd finally be able to leave._

" _Poú eínai to Árgos?"_ Where is Argos? _Yaalon demanded when she walked in. These men were just as bad as Argos._

" _Eínai se anápafsi kreváti. Échei mia kakí pláti,"_ He is in bed resting. He has a bad back. _She answered with a coy smile._

 _The four men snorted with laughter, their eyes racking over her. They all wanted to fuck the bosses girl._

" _Sígoura éna ómorfo prágma , ópos boreíte na dósete káthe ánthropos mia kakí pláti,"_ I bet a pretty thing like you can give any man a bad back. _Tabor gave her what she assumed was supposed to be a sexy look._

 _She forced herself to blush, "Tha ítheles na deis?"_ Would you like to see?

 _He nodded furiously, idiot. Siren made her way over to him, pressed a feather like kiss to his jaw line as she moved her hands into position. Her lips trailed closer to his and just before they reached she harshly twisted his neck, snapping it. Before the other three could process what just happened she pulled her gun from the waistline of her skirt and shot them. All bullets hit between their eyes, perfect shots, as she knew they would._

 _Her handler would be waiting at a private airstrip for her now, ready to take her back to Russia._

* * *

 _The Winter Soldier was a traitor. That's what they told her, his mission had been to kill Captain America and his friends but they were still alive and he was with them. He had left Hydra. Left her. How could he? They stuck together, they always had, how could he just leave her like this?_

 _More serum was injected into her and her blood felt like fire, her veins were melting she was sure of it. She had been strapped to this bed for days, she was supposed to go with Soldier for his mission but the first injection had killed her. It had stopped her heart and the doctors worked furiously to bring her back. Once they had succeeded the experiment started again, this time with less serum to give her body time to accept the foreign object._

 _She couldn't disconnect from this pain, it was everywhere, in her body and mind. She had screamed and screamed until they had gagged her, not wanting to listen to her pain as they inflicted more of it onto her. This felt like dying. She was sure she wasn't going to survive this time._

 _The experiment took a week and once she had come out of it they tested her, desperate to know what power she gained. Telekinesis. They found out when, angry, a guard shot at her and she had raised her hand, the bullet stopped mid air then flew back at the guard, catching him in the throat. She watched him choke on his own blood as scientists and agents alike rushed to her getting ready for new lessons on how to control this power. The power they would have her use to kill her old friend. No, she didn't have friends, she was a weapon and her job was to follow orders and maybe, just maybe, kill the traitor who had left her behind to suffer this alone._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The reviews, you guys, I'm teary eyed. You are all awesome! Thank you for the support.**

 **Disclaimer: I still do not own Marvel**

* * *

Siren's head hurt, a lot. Why did everything always hurt her head? She paid more attention to her surroundings upon awakening this time. She heard the heart beat monitor, felt the IV's in her arms, machines whirring and someone next to her. On instinct she curled her hand into a fist and punched, aiming for whoever it was' head. Familiar cold metal caught her punch and she glared, she still hated that fucking arm.

"Katarina?" Soldier asked.

She pulled her fist from his hand, still glaring at him. He wasn't allowed to call her Katarina, only Natalia had been allowed to call her Katarina. Katarina was Natalia's. Katarina was dead. She had died along with Natalia when the Red Room killed her.

"Sirena," _Siren_. She corrected harshly. Her body ached, she guessed from the shock those arrows she had been hit with gave her. She couldn't believe she was taken down by a few arrows, pathetic. Siren's eyes widen dramatically when she fully recalls the fight, the red head who fought well. Natalia, but Natalia was dead. Her eyes scanned the room looking for the familiar woman but the only one she personally knew in the room was Soldier, her mind must be playing tricks on her. Something to do with giving her her memories back must've messed her up, even more than she already was, seeing dead people. She was now sure Natalia was dead, if she wasn't she'd be in here.

Soldier whispered to everyone to leave and Siren rolled her eyes, she had enhanced hearing, he knew that. Why was he whispering when he knew she would hear? She didn't see the point.

"U menya yest' koye-kakuyu odezhdu dlya vas, yesli vy khotite izmenit," _I have some clothes for you if you'd like to change."_ Soldier told her. Siren nodded, this medical gown left her feeling bare. It would be hard to fight off an attack with nothing supporting her body. "Sushchestvuyet vannoy slishkom dlya vas, chtoby prinyat' dush. Etot chelovek deystvitel'no imeyet tepluyu vodu," _There is a bathroom too for you to shower in. This one actually has warm water._

She blinked, confused, at him. Her and Soldier's relationship had always been unusual, depending on one another far more than their handlers appreciated, but they'd never gone out of their way to make the other one comfortable. It was discomforting.

He sighed, understanding her wariness in this situation. "Nikto ne budet tebe bol'no zdes', Katarina. Ty v bezopasnosti," _No one will hurt you here, Katarina. You are safe._

She scoffed, not being able to catch herself in time to stop it. Safety was nothing but an illusion, Soldier knew this.

He handed her a large, white, fluffy towel. "Prinyat' dush. Vam budet khorosho. YA poydu prinesu vam yedu. YA vernus', prezhde chem vy zakonchite," _Go shower. You'll be fine. I'll get you some food. I'll be back before you are done._ He leaves the room after giving her orders, knowing she'd comply. She glared at his back as he left, he was going to pay for that.

Grabbing the towel and clothes Soldier had pointed to, she made her way into the extremely large bathroom. She stripped down and stepped into the shower, staring at the overly complicated thing. Buttons everywhere. What happened to the one tap that turned the water on? Why was this so complicated? She pressed the first button, nothing happened. Where the hell was the water? She pressed the next button, she heard the pipes gurgle but still no water came out of the shower head.

"Chert poberi," _Fucking hell._ She hissed pressing several buttons angrily. She refused to go find Soldier for help. She was a god damn assassin, one of the best in the world, she could figure out how to work a bloody shower. Finally water sprayed out, cold water, but Siren didn't care. Cold showers were all she got with Hydra. Stepping under the ice cold water she quickly washed her hair and the rest of her body. Ten minutes later she was stepping out of the shower, she hadn't really known how to make it stop she just pressed buttons until it had, and wrapping herself in the comfiest towel she had ever felt.

The clothes Soldier had given her were a pair of female work out shorts and a white vest top. She put them on quickly before leaving the bathroom to see that Soldier hadn't lied to her. He was back in the room, two bowls with steam coming from them on the small table in the corner. She made her way over to him taking the chair with it's back to the wall to make sure no one could get her from behind.

"Naslazhydaytes' dush?" _Enjoy the shower?_ She nodded. "YA kupil nam nemnogo supa. Eto kuritsa I luk-porey," _I bought us some soup. It's chicken and lee_ _k_ _._

She nodded her thanks but refused to eat any. Soldier sighed before starting to eat his, she was immune to poisons just like he was, she'd start eating soon. It was only when Soldier was nearly done that Siren began to eat. Wolfing the soup down as soon as she realised how hungry she was, she finished at the same time as Soldier.

"Ty dolzhno byt' ustal," _You must be tired,_ Soldier said after glancing out the window to see the sun had long gone down. He knew the deprogramming was exhausting on the body and mind and that she would need all the rest she could get. "Poluchite nekotoryy son, ya budu videt' v pervoy polovine dnya," _Get some sleep, I will see you in the morning._

He was treating her like a child. She knew she was a little fragile right now, memories of dead bodies flickered behind her closed eyes, but he still had no right to treat her like a child. She wasn't one, never had been, just because she was young didn't mean he got to baby her. She wouldn't let him.

* * *

 _Blood was everywhere, covering the floor, the walls the ceiling. Rising up and up and up, threatening to drown Siren. There was no escape, no doors, no windows, no air vents. She was stuck in this room, with blood slowly rising._

" _I love you, Princess," Viktor whispered. He was in front of her, bullet hole still in his head, deathly pale. More blood rose._

" _And if that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring," Her mother sang in a sweet, angelic voice. Her hair disheveled, eyes closed, exactly how she looked after Siren had suffocated her. More blood._

" _Papa loves you, baby, more than all the stars in the sky," Her father, blood pouring from his throat, the deep gash visible, just looking at it made her sick to the stomach. She had done this. She had killed them. The blood was to her chest now._

 _A little blonde girl, with too big blue eyes appeared next. "You killed my daddy! You killed my daddy! You killed my daddy!" She chanted. The blood wouldn't stop rising._

" _Vashi zakazy ubït' Chernaya Vdova. Ubit' Natal'ya,"_ Your orders are to kill the Black Widow. Kill Natalia. _Her handler ordered handing her a gun._

" _Dnem soblyudat',"_ Happy to comply. _She answered in a monotone voice, spinning around, not even registering what she was doing, she raised the gun and put a bullet between Natalia's eyes._

 _The blood it was too high. Choking her. Drowning her. It was thick as it went down her throat. There was too much blood. Too much. She screamed. The blood was in her mouth, up her nose, stinging her eyes. No one could hear her. She was going to die. She was going to drown, drown in all of the blood she had spilt._

* * *

Siren shot up in the bed. Her breathing labored and her chest heaving as she frantically looked around her for any trace of the blood that was drowning her. She couldn't see any of it but she could feel it, warm and sticky, all over her. A loud clap of thunder made her jump, if only her enemies and targets could see her like this a weak and pathetic they never would have been scared of her. The rain. That could help wash the blood of her, right? She didn't give it any more thought than that, rushing out of the room it didn't take her that long to find her way to the roof.

Once outside she turned her face to the sky letting the rain hit her. Cold, harsh and unforgiving, exactly how she was trained to be, exactly what she was failing to be. She hated this, she had never been self-pitying before. She blamed getting her memories back, she had never had nightmares about anything she'd done before because she never got to remember any of it. Now she remembers every life she took, every person she destroyed, she was almost certain it was destroying her. Life was truly more simple as a slave, she couldn't help think.

So caught up in her thoughts she didn't notice anyone join her on the balcony.

"Hai sempre fatto come la pioggia. Suppongo che sia un buon lavoro, non si, può prendere un raffreddore," _You always did like the rain. I suppose it's a good job you can't catch a cold._ Came a familiar voice in a perfect Italian accent.

"Grande! Ora sto sentendo cose," _Great! Now I'm hearing things._ She muttered to herself automatically using the language she heard.

"Non mi ricordo mai essere pazzo, Katarina," _I don't remember you_ _ever_ _being crazy, Katarina_. Natasha let out a small laugh.

Siren whirled around ready to fight whoever called her that name. Natalia was the only one who could call her Katarina and Siren was responsible for her death. Her fist, however, stopped inches from the persons face.

"Natalia? Ma tu sei morto," _Natalia? But you're dead._ Siren, no Katarina now she was with Natalia, cursed herself for saying something so stupid. She clearly wasn't dead as she was directly in front of her, getting soaked by the rain and slowly raising one hand to cup hercheek.

"La mis stella," _My star._ Natasha whispered, affectionately as she stroked the younger girls cheek. "Mi hanno detto che eir morto. Se avessi saputo che eri vivo sarei venuto per voi. Ti avrei ottenuto fuori di lì," _They told me you were dead. If I knew you were alive I would have come for you. I would have gotten you out of there._ Natasha's eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Sono stato informato che eri troppi problemi a mantenere e avevano voi eseguita." _I was informed you were too much trouble to keep and they had you executed._ A single tear fell from Katarina's eyes. Natasha caught it with her thumb and wiped it away, she hated seeing her Katarina sad.

"Vi è stato detto e Barnes hadovuto lottare vicenda fino alla morte. Una volta che lo abbiamo trovato mi ha detto che era sopravvissuto, ma è morto durante un esperimento. Non avrei mai pensato che avrei visto di nuovo," _I was told you and Barnes had to fight eachother to the death. Once we found him he told me you had survived but died during an experiment. I never thought I'd see you again._

Katarina stared at Natasha for a long moment, digesting all the information she had just gotten. "Chi è Barnes?" _Who is Barnes?_

Natasha laughed, a sound Katarina very much loved but never heard enough. "Barnes è Soldier. Il soldato d'Inverno. Il suo vero nome è James 'Bucky' Barnes," _Barnes is Solider. The Winter Soldier. His real name is James 'Bucky' Barnes._

Katarina nodded, hair dripping with rain, it ran down her back, face, arms and legs in a constant stream. The white top Soldier, James- she'd have to get used to that, gave her had gone completely see through and clung to her, the workout shorts she was in had done nothing to keep her dry.

"Vieni, mia stella. Consente di ottenere in alcuni vestiti asciutti e capire tutto questo fuori," _Come on, my star._ _Lets get you in some dry clothes and figure all of this out._ She held her hand out waiting for Katarina to take it. Katarina didn't even hesitate as she took hold of Natasha's hand and let herself be pulled back inside to Natasha's floor, wondering just how Natasha planned on figuring it out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Marvel.**

* * *

Natalia, who was apparently going by Natasha now, had taken Katarina straight into her bathroom and told her to strip. Katarina did as she was told, watching Natasha carefully as she pressed buttons on the shower. She did with such an ease Katarina couldn't help be jealous as she stepped into the nicest shower she had ever taken. The water was perfect, hot enough to warm her up and make her clean but not too hot that she was burnt, the water pressure was to die for and Katarina was sure she was heaven. It was the longest shower she had ever taken and she mourned it when she forced herself out.

Natasha hadn't left any clothes in the bathroom for her, there was another fluffy white towel but that was it. Katarina looked in the full length mirror in the bathroom, for some reason she thought she'd look different now. Now that she was Katarina instead of just Siren but she still looked the exact same. Green eyes, long brown hair, unnatural red lips and a body that helped her live up to her name.

She was trying to avoid leaving the bathroom. Her conversation with Natasha earlier was emotionally exhausting and she was afraid if she left they'd start another one and she didn't have the energy for that. After slowly drying off she no longer had an excuse to stay hidden. She slowly and silently left the bathroom hoping Natasha would be asleep and she could find James. Natasha was sitting on the bed, her eyes on Katarina the moment the bathroom door opened. Her eyes trailed up Katarina's body and her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

"Aiutare se stessi a tutti I vestiti," _Help yourself to any clothes._ Natasha said pointing to her wardrobe and drawers before turning around to give Katarina some privacy. Katarina couldn't stop the small smile that graced her lips as she watched Natasha turn around like she had never seen her body before.

She found a large top that came down to just above her knees and decided to just wear that. It was warmer here than Russia and she couldn't deal with the heat that would come from wearing too much to bed. Clearing her throat to let Natasha know she was done, the small smile got slightly bigger when she watched Natasha try, and fail, to stop her jaw dropping slightly. She was kind of glad that some things never changed.

"Dovremo andare oltre alcune cose domani. La vostra nuova identità e alcune altre cose," _We will have to go over some thing's tomorrow. Your new identity and some other stuff._

Katarina nodded, knowing this would happen. An identity. She'd never real had one, fake ones for missions, but not a real one. She hadn't even had a name when she met Natasha how was she supposed to have things like a birth date and parents and whatever else they'd need now.

Natasha seemed to know what she was thinking though, she climbed into her spacious bed and patted next to her. Katarina hesitation was barely noticeable before she moved to the space. "Non si preoccupi. Lo e Barnes aiuterò. Siamo entrambi qui per voi," _Don't worry about it. Me and Barnes will help. We're both here for you._ She said as she turned the lamp off.

The room was silent until Katarina finally gathered the courage to ask, "Avete delle manette?" _Do you have any handcuffs?_

If Katarina could see Natasha's face she would've seen heartbreak in its purest form. Natasha remembered the days of being cuffed to a bed post, she could remember Katarina's struggles with sleeping if she wasn't cuffed. She remembered long nights tracing over every scar the two had accumulated and how if they held hands Natasha couldn't help but trace the scar around Katarina's wrist that cuffs had left over many years. She knew that Katarina would be getting no sleep without them though and Katarina desperately needed sleep, so with an inaudible sigh she grabbed a pair from under the bed and watched the dark shadow of Katarina fit it to the bedpost then her wrist before finally settling down.

"Grazie," _Thank you._ Katarina whispered into the dark, eyes already closed ready for sleep.

"Buonanotte, mia stella," _Goodnight, my star._ Natasha whispered before falling to sleep herself.

* * *

The next morning Katarina woke with an internal panic, her arm was still handcuffed, but she was in a comfy bed. She'd never slept in a comfortable bed before. There was also someone next to her. Who would be next to her whilst she was handcuffed?

Her eyes flew open and she turned over ready to attack the person next to her. Green eyes were already trained on her, none of the bleariness of a still sleepy person, she must've been awake for a while.

"Natalia?" She questioned, yesterdays events returning to her. Memories smashing into her head, she winced with the pain.

"Si dovrebbe abituarsi a chiamarmi Natasha," _You should get used to calling me Natasha._ She smiled warmly, "Come hai dormito?" _How did you sleep?_

"Nessun incubi," _No nightmares_ Katarina answered quietly. She assumed that was what Natasha wanted to know. No one had ever asked her how she slept, she wasn't entirely sure how to answer.

"Buona," _Good_ Natasha smile turned blinding and Katarina's heart stuttered, Natasha had always been the only one to make her properly feel. "Dobbiamo alzarsi. Abbiamo una giornata intensa," _We have to get up. We have a busy day_. Natasha moved over and unlocked Katarina's wrist, rubbing the sore left over from the metal and pressing a soft, barely there, kiss to it.

"Non ho vestiti," _I don't have clothes._ Katarina said rolling from the bed, "Lo non ho nulla," _I don't have anything._ She continued thinking about brushing her teeth and her hair.

"Ciò che è mio è tuo. Ti porteremo vestiti e altre cose al più presto. Spazzolino da denti di ricambio è sotto il lavandino," _What's mine is yours. We'll get you clothes and other things soon. Spare toothbrush is under the sink._ Natasha told her as she made her way into the bathroom to get ready for the day herself.

Katarina went over to the closet to pick some clothes out, Natasha had more clothes in her walk in wardrobe then Katarina had ever seen. The style ranging from cocktail dresses, designer dresses, jeans and tops, shorts, vintage, pastels, pretty pinks, colourful, grunge. Katarina was overwhelmed, unless she was undercover her clothes consisted of workout and tactical gear. She unconsciously made the decision to go for a nice white dress and sandals, trying to not look like a threat, manipulate whoever she was meeting today that she was an innocent young girl. She caught herself before putting it on though, Natasha probably wouldn't appreciate her team being manipulated. Even if Katarina hadn't consciously decided to, that was exactly what she had planned to do. Trick them into not believing she was a threat so they would underestimate her.

Natasha came out of the bathroom to see Katarina still standing staring at all the clothes. To anyone else it would seem like she was just deciding on what to wear and what went with what, but Natasha knew Katarina, knew her better than anyone, probably even better than herself, she saw the slightly panicked look in Katarina's eyes. She also understood the struggle, after being told what to do your whole life, after being ordered on what to wear and how to wear it, what you eat and when, how to speak, how to act, how to be a human being, it was insanely difficult to do much by yourself and when presented with options it was down right terrifying.

Katarina would have to get used to no one telling her what to do, get used to being her own person, but for now Natasha would help her with simple things like this. She strode over to the wardrobe and handed her a simple pair of jeans, a vest top and her favourite hooded leather jacket. Katarina gave her a nod of thanks before going into the bathroom to change, cursing herself for struggling with something so simple as clothing.

After both woman were ready Natasha led them to the common area. Soldier stood quickly when he saw the two and made two quick strides towards them before noticing how Katarina tensed, muscles coiled, ready to attack, he slowed his pace to show he was not a threat.

"Zavtrak?" _Breakfast?_ He asked, blocking the view of the other people in the room.

"Ya ne golodnyy," _I am not hungry._ She answered quietly, they had fed her last night, she wasn't used to being given or offered food as much as this.

"Si prega di cercare di mangiare," _Please try to eat,_ Natasha whispered to her in Italian, "per me." _for me._ She added seeing Katarina about to protest.

"Chto-to malen'koye," _Something small._ Soldier, James she really had to get used to calling him James, said as he started going through cupboards, "Yaichnitsa na toste?" _Scrambled egg on toast?_

Katarina nearly scoffed, how was that something small? America had changed the Sol- James, or maybe he had always been like that and Russia, Germany, Hydra, the KGB had changed him.

"Tost," _Toast._ She told him and watched as he smiled and went about making her food. Natasha guided her to a chair to sit and Katarina nearly rolled her eyes and the two babying her. She had only been away from Hydra for a day, if that, and she was already gaining an attitude, apparently a lifetime of brainwashing can't handle teenage rebellion. Possible teenage rebellion, Katarina still had no clue how old she was but she looked like she was in her late teens to early twenties.

The kitchen was silent as three assassins ate their food, Sol- James had made scrambled egg for him and Natal- Natasha. Katarina forced her bites of toast down her throat, wondering how long it would take for her to get used to eating so often and if she would even have chance.

"Dobbiamo andare a S.H.I.E.L.D _oggi._ Fury vuole chiedere si mette in discussione e avete bisogno di una identità," _We have to go to S.H.I.E.L.D today. Fury wants to ask you questions and you need an identity._ Natasha told her once she had finished. This worried Katarina. Questions? What questions? And would she even have the answers? She didn't really know much, she was a tool and tools were not given information.

"Eto budet khorosho, Sirena. YA sdelal to zhe samoye, chto oni pomogut vam," _It will be fine, Siren. I did the same thing, they will help you._ James tried to comfort her _._ "You should also get used to speaking English," He told her before leaving. Katarina watched him walk up to a blonde man and enter the elevator with him. She briefly wondered if that was the blonde boy James mentioned, but he was supposed to be skinny so she doubted it.

"Lets go, Katarina. Everything will be fine," Natasha told her as she pulled her out of the chair. Katarina frowned, she would've much preferred Natasha to keep talking to her in Italian, just as she would like for James to continue speaking to her in Russian, it seemed a lot more private and she didn't know any of these people.

* * *

Natasha drove them to a S.H.I.E.L.D base, Katarina briefly thought of how Natasha's driving was still the same, fast and reckless for anyone who wasn't them. Katarina knew Natasha had full control over the car though, so instead of worrying about that Katarina let her eyes flicker from the windows to the mirrors constantly checking for a tail or something that shouldn't be there.

"Stay close to me, okay?" Natasha said as they entered the building. Katarina contained her eye role at Natasha trying to be protective, she could beat anyone in this building. Natasha needed to calm down, her well hidden anxiety was stirring Katarina's own.

Natasha led her through a maze of corridors and stairs before they got to a room that just by glancing at it Katarina knew it was for interrogations.

"I'll be in there with you, on your side. The Director and Deputy-Director will be coming to question you. Answer everything you can and this will all be over quickly and we can go back to the tower," Natasha told her, pulling out a chair for Katarina to sit in before sitting next to her.

Katarina knew who the Director and Deputy-Director were, there had been many debates on whether she should be sent to kill them or not.

Nick Fury and Maria Hill entered the room not looking the least bit wary of the assassin. "Good afternoon, Siren, I'm Director-"

"Nicholas Joseph Fury and Deputy-Director Maria Hill. I know who you both are," Katarina interrupted, "and my name is Katarina," She added absentmindedly. Not noticing the small smile that graced Natasha's face too busy with the shocked look on Fury's face, he wasn't aware anyone knew his middle name.

"Katarina," Fury said as Hill tapped something into her tablet. "How long have you been with Hydra?" Natasha glared at him, he cleared his throat before correcting himself, "How long have Hydra had you?"

"I don't know," She answered quickly. "They took me when I was young, really young," She admitted, some hazy memory of a life before Hydra with laughter and love, entered her mind.

"Lets try something easier, Sir," Maria interrupted knowing they struggled getting answers from Barnes. "How old are you?" She asked. The girl looked young and innocent, Maria was having a hard time putting this girl to hundreds of kills.

"I don't know," She answered again.

"How do you not know?" Maria asked.

"They did things to me," Katarina explained. "Injected me with serums so my body would mature to make missions easier but they also put me in cryo-freeze sometimes, hence, my not knowing," Katarina forced herself to tell the truth. Her instincts told her to lie, because no matter how nice they were all being this was an interrogation and she was taught to let herself be killed instead of giving away the few Hydra secrets she knew.

Hill tapped more information into her tablet. The questions continued. When were you born? I don't know. Where were you born? I don't know. Were you the only person taken so young? I don't know. How many people have you killed? I don't know. How many missions have you been on? I don't know. What did they do to you? I don't know. How did you get your powers? I don't know. By the time it was done everyone was frustrated but Katarina now had a legal identity.

She was Katarina Alexandria Drew, they put her age down as twenty-one, that being the oldest they thought she could get away with and her birth date was the seventh of June, a random date, with nothing connected to it as to not attract attention. Under family she had none, an orphan who was in and out of care homes her whole life before leaving as soon as she could. They gave her a whole life, schools, grades, awards, a fake past. None of it would really affect Katarina but it was all necessary. Katarina was overwhelmed by it all, she let Natasha guide her out of the building lost in her thoughts.

It was late by the time they got back to Avengers tower, Natasha had stopped to pick up take-away for them all two of all the popular pizza's on the menu, extra-large. She had called to order it during Katarina's interrogation so it was all ready by the time they got there.

Dinner was a strange affair. None of them acted wary of Katarina which put her on guard, she only spoke to Natasha and James, none of it in English. Natasha plated up her food for her because Katarina had never had pizza and had no idea what any of the types were, meatlovers was her favourite. The atmosphere was laid back as the Avengers joked with each other until Tony Stark, who had had far too much to drink, asked a stupid question.

"How many people have you killed?" He slurred. Katarina blinked at him, it was a valid question but she didn't think anyone would have the guts to ask her. Natasha looked ready to kill the drunk and James was clenching and unclenching his metal fist. Katarina thought of how easy he would be to assassinate, it wouldn't be too difficult to alter the alcohol levels in his drink and sit back and watch as he gave himself alcohol poisoning. But that wasn't her life now and she's pretty sure Natasha wouldn't be happy if she killed her team mates.

"Viac ako ste spal s," _More than you've slept with,_ She told him in Slovak as Natasha pulled her from the room, grabbing the full meatlovers on her way. Katarina could hear James yelling at Tony, mixing Russian with English in his anger.

Natasha kept them in her room for the rest of the night, James joined them with another pizza but none of them spoke. Katarina wondering just how many people she had actually killed, and trying to think of any way to make it better. Stark's question seemed to effect James and Natasha more then her, she could see the ghosts from Hydra and the Red Room in both of their eyes. She couldn't help them though, no one could. It was something you had to get over yourself. Sure, people could help, but in the end it was them who had to fight their demons, no one could do it for them.

 **So I know I made Tony say something completely inappropriate but trust me it's all part of the plan.**

 **Don't forget to tell me what you thought.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.**

Katarina woke up before Natasha the next morning. She quietly uncuffed herself before getting ready for the day, Natasha had pulled some clothes out for her the night before, jean shorts and a vest top that would fit her. Taking a deep breath Katarina left the room, she was the worlds best assassin, she could handle the Avengers and co without Natasha and James around. She was Siren, nothing scared her.

She knew how to get from Natasha's room/floor to the common floor. It wasn't difficult, all she had to do was take the elevator down three floors and she was there. Seeing as though it was just before six o'clock in the morning Katarina was hoping no one would be there so when they did arrive she could be in control of the situation. JARVIS got to her, an AI who was everywhere yet nowhere, it saw everything. How was she supposed to combat that?

When she entered the kitchen on the common floor she saw someone she had briefly seen yesterday but hadn't spoken too, the CEO of Stark Industries, Virginia Potts. Katarina paused in the doorway, she wasn't sure how to continue. How did she think she could do this without Natasha or James?

Pepper saw the assassin out of the corner of her eye, the poor girl looked so young that Pepper's heartbroke. How was she considered the most feared assassin in the world when it looked like the mere thought of entering the kitchen made her uneasy?

"Hi, I'm Pepper," Pepper introduced, taking charge of the situation hoping to help the girl who she knew stole Natasha's heart. "Do you want some coffee?"

Katarina forced herself further into the kitchen and relaxed her face, hoping to look friendly. She could do this. "Hello Pepper, I'm Katarina. I've never had coffee before, is it nice?"

Pepper tried not to look at the girl sympathetically, James didn't like it she didn't think Katarina would either, although that simple statement made Pepper determined to help Katarina adjust to the wolrd. "It's kind of bitter taste, to be honest. Most people put sugar and milk into it to change the taste to something sweeter. There are other flavours and so many different kinds too, I'll make some more and we can see if you like it," Pepper smiled before busying herself with the coffee machine.

"Does-" Katarina started before stopping herself. She gathered her courage before continuing, Katarina had always been good at reading people and Pepper seemed nice enough and rather helpful. "Does Natasha like coffee?"

Pepper smiled at her, "She does. A little bit of cream and three sugars," She explained.

"Could you teach me how to make it?" Katarina asked hesitantly.

Pepper figured that took a lot for the younger girl to do. She recalled when James first got here it took him a long time before he talked to anyone but Natasha and Steve and even longer before he asked anyone else for help. She waved the younger girl over and started to explain how to use the coffee machine and the difference between instant coffee and fresh. It all seemed far too complicated just for a drink but Katarina listened intently, determined to remember everything she was being told.

Pepper had made her some coffee and was very patient with how long it took Katarina to admit whether she liked something or not. Katarina finally admitted to liking normal coffee but preferred it with the Vanilla flavour she tried.

Katarina was also surprised to feeling herself relax around Pepper and genuinely enjoying her company. Pepper was explaining things in the world and answering all the questions Katarina had.

They were talking about Pepper's favourite TV show, _How To Get Away With Murder,_ when Natasha walked in. Katarina was about to explain exactly how one could get away with murder when Natasha burst into the kitchen looking slightly panicked.

"Hi, Nat," Pepper said from behind her coffee mug. Natasha seemed to calm down when she saw Katarina across from Pepper, bare legs folded underneath her and her own coffee mug cupped in two hands.

Katarina looked at Natasha and uncurled herself, "Would you like a coffee?" She asked making her way to the coffee machine. Natasha stared at her shocked, it was far too early for her sleep addled mind to make out what was happening. She glanced at Pepper to see her smiling in Katarina's direction with a warm, almost maternal, look in her eyes. Natasha nodded and watched Katarina make her coffee, exactly the way she liked it.

Tasting the coffee Natasha smiled warmly as the hot liquid made its way down her throat. "This is delicious," Natasha told Katarina drinking more. Katarina's eyes lit up slightly and she went back to her seat, listening to Pepper talk more about the show.

Natasha damn near melted at the sight. She still couldn't get over the fact that Katarina was alive, let alone here. She knew that Katarina had a long way to go before she'd be okay, and even longer before she fully understood the world, but just by watching this small display she knew that Katarina would get there. Natasha wouldn't admit it out loud but she was looking forward to showing Katarina new things. God, the girl was making the Black Widow act like a child with a crush, Natasha found herself shocked that she wouldn't have it any other way.

She was glad that Katarina seemed to find a friend in Pepper, she knew Pepper was one of those people who would do anything for a friend and that was exactly what Katarina needed. When Natasha woke up that morning to find Katarina gone she nearly cried, thinking it was all a dream. It was only when she saw the handcuffs still attached to the bedpost that she pulled herself together. She blamed how emotional she was on stress and quickly got up to find Katarina. Seeing her in the kitchen with Pepper made her think back to Italy, how on particularly lazy days she would get up sometime just before noon and see Barnes and Katarina in some sort of domestic setting that would warm her heart. She thought she'd never see that again and just stood in the doorway watching the scene, not even bothering to hide her shock.

The coffee was great too, almost as good as a professionals, but Natasha might be biased, she would probably think anything Katarina made her was brilliant just because Katarina made it. Oh if only the Red Room and Hydra could see their prized possession now, pining after another prized possession, they would've killed her for weakness before she could protest. Natasha looked over to Katarina to see her full attention on whatever Pepper was explaining, a look of pure concentration on her face, with her head slightly tilted in confusion. Yeah, Natasha was smitten with the younger assassin.

When James entered the kitchen after his run with Steve he couldn't believe his eyes. Katarina was actually engaging in conversation, in English, he was proud of her. He knew exactly how hard it was going to be for her, he was still struggling and he had known a life before Hydra, Katarina hadn't. Well he knew Hydra had her from a very young age, so young she wouldn't be able to truly remember a life before Hydra.

He wanted to talk to her about so many things but knew it would all be emotional, too emotional right now. Katarina needed to be slowly eased into things and having lived life without being allowed to express emotions or know how to deal with emotions meant he would have to be very careful and patient with any emotional subject. He had something he wanted to get off his chest though, something he wanted to tell her that he thought couldn't wait, something he wanted, needed, her to know.

They'd get there, but for now Katarina had more important things to worry about. Her memories would keep invading her dreams, James' still did, and she would need to talk to someone about them eventually or they'd eat her alive. Natasha wanted to be the one she could talk to but the red in her ledger still got to her so she knew she wasn't the best option, James was still going through the same thing and he wouldn't be able to deal with his and Katarina's ledger. Perhaps Pepper would be able to help, she seemed to, unofficially, have taken the role of Avengers therapist, maybe she'd be able to help Katarina.

"Have you eaten, Katarina?" James asked, surprisingly James was the best cook in the tower, after him it was Steve. If they weren't ordering out, James and Steve were cooking.

Katarina didn't even try to hold back her eye role at James' mothering, it was going to take her a long time to get use to how James acted now. Having someone fuss over her felt strange, no one had ever really cared about that before, and if they did they couldn't show it. "Yes. Pepper made us both a bowl of fruit," She elaborated seeing him open his mouth, assuming correctly that he was going to ask her what she'd eaten.

Pepper let out a tiny laugh from beside Katarina, it was amusing to watch feared assassins turn into mother hens and a smitten girlfriend? Pepper was going to have to get the full story from Natasha soon, around this girl, another one of the worlds most feared assassins. She began to wonder when this became a normal part of her day to day life, being surrounded by gods and assassins, super soldiers and some of the smartest people in the world.

"Want to check out the gym?" James asked a stupid grin on his face. He had missed sparring with Katarina, he was hoping she'd say yes and by the tiny smirk on her face and glint in her eye she was eager to spar with him too.

Natasha watched as James led Katarina to the gym, both walking as fast as they can without actually running, with a smile on her face. "Lets go watch, I've not seen them spar together in a long time," Natasha said following the two ex-Hydra assassins.

When Natasha, Steve and Pepper entered the gym, Katarina and James were already dancing around eachother. The whole thing like a well choreographed dance of ducking, bobbing, weaving, kicking and punching. When James aimed a roundhouse kick for Katarina's head, she expertly ducked under it and twirled back kicking him in the chest. James stumbled back with a smile on his face he swung for her with his metal arm. Katarina dodged it whilst glaring, she always had mixed feelings about the arm, it was great when it wasn't used on her but when they were sparring it was an unfair advantage. Luckily, Katarina had been up against it so often that she was used to it.

The two had been sparring for over half an hour, sweat glistened on their skin, but neither showed any signs of slowing down or being tired. Peppers jaw dropped when Katarina flipped over James and swept his legs from underneath him in one swift movement.

"They're really good at this," Pepper whispered. She knew it was an obvious statement but felt like it needed to be said.

Natasha nodded, pride rolling off her. "They've been doing this for a long time, Barnes has been Katarina's partner for god knows how long,"

Glancing back at the fight they saw James' metal arm wrapped around Katarina's neck. Katarina was completely relaxed though, she stomped hard on James' foot then elbowed him as hard as she could, hitting his stomach making him double over and release her. Katarina grabbed his arm and spun around, using the momentum to toss him over her shoulder and slam him into the ground.

"You're not using your powers are you?" James joked, shocking Katarina, she'd never known him joke before. Natasha was on the side, cursing herself for forgetting that Katarina had telekenisis now.

Jumping over his legs, Katarina decided to banter too, "I don't need to use my powers to beat you, Old man," Then began a flurry of attacks forcing James into a defensive. James was loving every second of it, Steve usually sparred with him but he treated him like he would break any second. Katarina had never held back and never would, she didn't know how to, she had always been forced to give every fight her all or best case scenario she'd be punished, worse case was she'd be killed.

The two only stopped sparring when Steve told them it had been an hour and practically forced James to stop.

"I'm going to have a shower. Can I talk to you afterwards, Katarina?" Now why did that make her so nervous? Katarina nodded hesitantly before following Natasha out of the room to shower herself, just before leaving she remembered Pepper had been watching the fight and was still in the room, she quickly said a thank you for the morning before rushing after Natasha.

Katarina took her time in the shower, abusing the fact that she could and had warm water. She had the water as hot as her body could handle and watched in fascination as the scolding hot water turned her skin pink. It was only when the steam from the shower fogged everything up too much that she forced herself out. Natasha had again left her some clothes out; a white button up shirt and light blue skin-tight jeans, she was beginning to think that Natasha was just leaving out clothes she'd like to see Katarina in.

Once she was finished Katarina found James waiting with Natasha, just thinking about whatever James wanted to talk about already had her exhausted. She could tell by the way he was fiddling with his fingers that he was nervous, she supposed he was trying to make up for not being able to show any emotion by broadcasting his every one now. She silently wondered if that would happen with her but it was something her brain couldn't compute, she'd never shown emotions like he was, every move was calculated, a subtle manipulation.

Even now she was catching herself before doing something manipulative. Like whilst talking to Pepper, she very nearly told her a fake story that Pepper would be able to relate to, office work or something equally as dull. She managed to stop herself just in time though, reminding herself that Natasha and James wouldn't want her manipulating their friends, emotionally or otherwise.

Katarina silently followed James of off Natasha's floor and in to the elevator, which proceeded to take them to the roof. Stepping onto the roof she immediately began to calculate ways of escape and her best vantage point for a fight. James sat on the ledge, legs dangling off, as he stared out into New York City, remembering it from before when he and Steve were just two stupid kids trying to survive and getting sucked into a war. He remembered all his friends and family who were all dead or not far off nowadays. James shook his head ridding himself of those thoughts, he couldn't do anything about the past now but by god he would help make the future a better place.

"Sit with me?" He asked and Katarina did, keeping a distance between them she sat down gracefully and looked over the edge to see exactly how high up they were. Even with all the experimentation done on her she knew she would not survive falling off the tower.

"Language?" He asked her knowing that with a talk like the one they were about to have she wouldn't want it in a language everyone would understand. No one was around to hear them but Katarina had been instilled with a healthy, read unhealthy, dose of paranoia. She knew better than to let secrets out and exactly how to keep things private.

Looking out into the city she replied in perfect Bengali, "Ki āpanāra samparkē kathā balatē cā'ō?" _What do you wish to speak about?_

James sighed, he'd hoped she'd pick English, but he supposed it was too soon for her to be completely trusting. Still, why did she have to pick Bengali? His was rusty. He could put together what she was saying but wasn't confident in his ability to formulate a reply, and he knew he'd butcher the accent.

"Yak spravy?" _How are you?_ He asked in Ukrainian. He still struggled with the accent but languages were never really his strong suit. Not like Katarina and Natasha, he'd lost count of how many languages those two were fluent in.

A smug look crossed Katarina's face at his butchered pronunciation, she had always been better at languages then him.

How are you?

What a loaded question. She didn't know the answer, she was so used to people telling her how to feel or not to feel that she didn't understand her own emotions. She supposed right now she was numb to the whole thing, the fear of the current unknown had not hit her yet, nor had the happiness at finally being free, the guilt from all the lives she'd ruined, none of it.

Katarina shrugged, "Ne znayu," _I don't know_. She replied taking sympathy on James by using Ukranian as well.

"YA shkoduyu," _I'm sorry._ James mumbled, staring out at the horizon.

Sorry? She thinks that might be the first time she's heard those words, or at the very least it's the first time someone actually meant them. But what was he sorry for? She turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow prompting him to continue. His seemingly random apology confusing her and she still didn't like to be confused.

"YA prychyna , shcho vy buly tam . YA vzyav tebe , ya dopomih yim navchyty vas , ya borovsya vas . YA prychyna u vas ne bulo dytynstva . Vybachte," _I am the reason you were there. I took you, I helped them train you, I fought you. I'm the reason you did not have a childhood. I am sorry._

Katarina stared at him blankly, she didn't understand where he was coming from. He had as much control of the situation as she did, why was he blaming himself?

She thought of all the training she did for undercover operations. The lessons that taught her how to say exactly the right thing when, to look at any situation and manipulate it. She knew it wasn't a good thing to do, James wouldn't like her using any of it on him but she wanted him to stop looking like a sad puppy.

"Yakshcho vy vybackayuchys' za tse , to ya povynen skazaty , vybachte za te vy potrapyly v Italiyi," _If you are apologising for that, then I must say sorry for getting you caught in Italy._ She told him, catching his shocked look, whether from her response or the fact she clearly remebered Italy she didn't know.

"Ale vy buly vyklykani!" _But you were triggered!_ He protested.

"YA dumav , my vybachatysya za rechi , shcho znakhodyat'sya poza nashym kontrolem," _I thought we were apologising for things beyond our control,_ "Vony kontrolyuvaly vas tzeh," _They were controlling you too._ She continued softly, using the voice she had used on many missions to try make people feel better.

Katarina saw him wince but continued on as though she hadn't, "I yakshcho vy vybachatysya meni za tse , i ya vybachavsya dyla Italiyi ta bahato inshoho , to my povynni otrymaty Natashu i skazhy yiy , shcho my shkoduyemo pro nashu rol'v yiyi pidhotovky," _And if you are apologising to me for that and I am apologising for Italy and much more then we should_ _go_ _get Natasha and tell her we are sorry for our role in her training._ She wondered if she was getting to him. She guessed, and rightly so, that this was what he needed to hear to forgive himself for his percieved sins.

They sat silently on the roof for a little longer before James silently said, "U nas ne bulo vyboru," _We didn't have a choice._

Katarina didn't say anything, she had a feeling it was only said for himself. Katarina found herself hoping she had helped him, she imagined he would be doing a lot to make this transition easier for her. She wanted to repay him somehow.

"What shall I call you?" She asked him, surprising him by using English. He was happy she did though.

"What do you mean?"

"I used to call you Soldier, but you are not him anymore, not just him anymore. Natalia wishes to be called Natasha and she calls you Barnes, as do others, Captain America calls you Bucky or Buck and I've been calling you James in my head. Everyone calls you something different, which must confuse someone who used to only be Asset or Winter Soldier. So, I was asking, which name would you like me to use?"

James stared at her in shock and she just stared back waiting for him to come back from his own thoughts. He cleared his throat as if expelling some thoughts or emotions, "James works. I would like to be James for you. And you are going by Katarina now?"

He knew the answer, "Yes. Siren is not a proper name, apparently. I was Alexandria for a short while, I believe, but she was innocent and I am not. Katarina is the only other name I own,"

 **A/N: So I don't actually know any of these languages, I use Google Translate, so if they are incorrect I'm sorry.**

 **Don't forget to leave me a review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So someone asked me when we get some fluffy Nat/Katarina and I've already written the chapter. It's chapter 10 so you don't have to wait that long. I hope you enjoy this chapter guys.**

 **Trigger Warning! Torture and Attempted Rape!**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own anything related to Marvel except a whole bunch of DVD's and Comics :)**

 _The best way to prepare the weapon for torture is to torture it. That's what they told her, that's what Siren was telling herself. The room they had her in was pratically the same as the room they had her sleep in, the walls were concrete and thick, there were no windows, a big, heavy, metal door with god knows how many locks on it, concrete floor and a single light dangling from the ceiling emitted a depressing light._

 _Siren was strung up a couple of inches from the ground, her arms raised above her head, wrists cuffed and shoulders aching. She couldn't tell you how long she'd been stuck in here._

 _The room was currently boiling, she could see the heat around her. It was a far cry from how the room was earlier, so cold she could see her breath, so cold she shook so hard she was sure she was going to break, so cold she passed out._

 _Now it was too hot. God was it too hot. She had just got back from the mission of killing the man, woman and boy she recognised- no, she didn't recognise them- when they pushed her into this room. Another lesson, it was all about lessons. She hated this particular one though. Sweat poured and her throat was so dry she didn't think any amount of water would ever make it better. She was struggling to keep her eyes open. Passing out this soon meant failing, staying awake meant the heat gave her hallucinations._

 _The mans eyes were in front of her, sweet, warm, comforting... dead. The womans laugh, musical, uplifting, magic turned to choking, gasping, begging for air. The boy's smile, happy, loving, sad as he accepted his death._

 _This was the most torturous part of the lesson, she'd rather they come in here and beat her, whip her, electrocute her, anything but leave her with these images._

 _She had passed out. They knew she would, she knew she would. They just wanted to see how long she would last, longer than last time. When she came too, the room was at normal tempreture and a man was sat on a wooden chair that had been bought in._

 _"Sag mir deinen Namen,"_ Tell me your name. _He demanded._

 _She didn't answer, didn't even acknowledge the demand. He'd get nothing from her. She knew the rules, die before telling them anything._

 _"Dein Name!"_ Your Name! _He spat._

 _It was a stupid demand she thought because even if she wanted to answer, which she didn't, she didn't have a name. Weapons do not have names._

 _The man stood quickly, so quickly the chair fell from underneath him, he took two quick steps until he was directly in front of Siren. She could see the rage in his eyes, pratically feel it rolling of his body. She stared at him refusing to say anything._

 _"Dein. Name. JETZT!"_ Your. Name. NOW! _Spittle flew from his mouth, spraying Siren's cheeks and still she didn't react._

 _"Sie hatten Ihre Chance," You had your chance. Siren knew what that meant, now the proper torturing would begin. A fist slammed into her stomach, once, twice, three times. He continued until he heard the unmistakable crack of a rib, Siren winced at the sound but showed no other reaction._

 _Time lost all meaning to Siren, it could've been seconds, mintues, hours, weeks, months, she didn't know. It was like time didn't even exist in the windowless room, she was lost in the haze of punches, kicks, smacks and the endless demand for her name._

 _She only really began to pay attention when the door opened, someone came in pushing an old trolley, it's wheels rattled and squeaked, into the room._

 _The man turned from her with a sick, gleeful smile on his face. "Meine Spielsachen," My toys, he cheered as he ran his hand over torture tools trying to decide which one to use first. "Skalpell." Scalpel. He decided before picking it up and moving back to Siren._

 _She didn't struggle, she knew better than that. Don't let anyone see your weakness, don't let them see your tears, don't let them win. Technically they had already won when they turned the innocent Alexandria into a mindless weapon, but Siren didn't know that._

 _A test cut on her cheek to see how sharp the blade was. Sharp. That tiny bit of pressure opened up a gash on her cheek that instantly started to bleed. Blood mingled with sweat as it trickled down Siren's cheek, still she didn't react, not even a flash of pain in her eyes. The man took to her body like an artist their canvas. He paid close attention to every cut he made on her front, as though it were a precious piece of artwork. Silent hisses from Siren when he cut too deep but this was nothing she couldn't handle. He still wasn't going to get anything from her._

 _It seemed like an age passed before he was happy with his masterpiece. He still wasn't pleased with not having Siren's name but having marked her body gave him great pleasure. He went back to his trolley of toys and picked up a cattle prod._

 _Siren stared at the cattle prod. A Picana, specifically designed for torturing humans, it emitted a high voltage but low current electric shock. The man poured a bucket of water over Siren's head, freezing cold, as he called for some assistance. Siren knew the Picana needed two people to work it, one to adjust the rheostat contol to increase or decrease the voltage, the other to apply the Picana's tip to the victims body. The man's favourite place to put the tip was her head, lips, chest, thighs, sensitive parts of her body. Siren was ashamed to say she screamed as her body convulsed painfully and her heart sped up as though it wanted to burst. She screamed and screamed but still refused to tell him her name._

 _She could see what he was going for next, rough skewers of wood. She knew what all of these methods of torture were, this was going to de-nail her. She watched as the skewers were dipped into boiling oil, which would do two things; burn the sensitive flesh under her nails and lubricate the wood so that her torturer could push the skewer under her toe nails. When the skewers had loosened the nail from its bed, the man grabbed a pair of pliers and tore the nails out. She screamed. Screamed until her throat couldn't handle it, but when he demanded to know her name again she immediately went silent, the pain would go, the nails would grow back, she would survive this, they wouldn't kill their weapon._

 _Waterboarding was next. Cloth covered her face as they slowly poured ice cold water onto her face. She thrashed around, desperately trying to dislodge the cloth from her face but the man just held it on, tighter and tighter. Her lungs burned in a desperate need for oxygen and black spots invaded her vision. As she was about to pass out, the cloth was removed and she was desperately sucking in the air her lungs were craving. Just as quickly as the cloth was gone, it was back and the whole process started again, and again, and again._

 _Her eyes were shut as she tried to force her breathing to calm down, to get her lungs to cooperate with her. So focused on that she didn't notice the man had moved on to get his next toy, nor did she notice him walk around her. She did, though, feel him run his hand over her bare back, nails digging in leaving red scratches._

 _She heard him take a step back and then nothing else. The anticipation was killing her, she cursed herself for not paying attention, she had no idea what was coming, she had no way to prepare. She could hear a low chuckle, he knew she was paniking. Her breathing sped up, chest heaving up and down as she tried to tug the restraints, tried to escape._

 _She heard the sound of a whip agaisnt her bare back but didn't feel anything, she guessed it was shock because as soon as it registered in her mind that she had been whipped the searing pain let itself be known._

 _Whip, scream, whip, scream, whip, scream, the pattern continued. Tears mixed with sweat and blood as they streamed down her face. She had forgotten what breathing felt like, she couldn't focus on anything but the horrendous pain her back was in. The feeling of her skin being torn apart, blood pouring. Lash after lash after lash, sometimes hitting already cuts parts of her back, hurting her even more._

 _She couldn't handle the pain anymore, she welcomed passing out. Surely she had lasted long enough? She still hadn't told him her name, hopefully they would leave her to recover after this._

 _Before unconsciousness fully claimed her she heard the man whisper in her ear, "Sie übergeben. Hagel Hydra,"_ You passed. Hail Hydra.

* * *

Katarina shot up, ignoring the pain from her wrist and shoulder as she pulled on the handcuff, her eyes flickered around the room desperately checking the room for intruders, her shaky hand unlocked the handcuff as she tried to get her breathing back under control. It was just a dream, nightmare, memory. She could feel the phantom pain from her many previous torture sessions.

3:08 a.m. Too early, no one would be up. Natasha had left for a mission and wouldn't be back for another seven hours at least, usually Natasha would've woke up with her and calmed her down. Katarina down right refused to go and wake up James for a bad dream, she wasn't a child.

Her heart was beating so quickly she worried it would beat right out of her chest. Her breathing refused to calm and her skin was itching. She needed to move, needed to do something. Getting dressed was a problem, Natasha wasn't there to choose her clothes so she just put the clothes she wore yesterday back on.

She took the stairs down to the gym, needed to keep moving, and from there proceed to beat a punching bag, not stopping to wrap her hands. Natasha had been trying to instill some self care into her, little things like wrapping your hands before a bag session, wearing protective gear during a spar but Katarina just wasn't used to it so she often forgot, no it often didn't even cross her mind.

Left, right, jab, cross, uppercut, elbow, kick, kick, knee. She put as much power as she could into all of it. Sweat poured, plastering her hair to her face, but she didn't stop. With every hit of the bag a flash of being tortured took her, the sound of the whip, the electricity buzzing through her skin making her feel like her insides were alight.

Katarina's muscles burned with a familiar ache that she had grown to love but it still wasn't enough. She still wasn't calm, she needed air, she needed to be outside.

Without even thinking about it Katarina pulled on a jacket of Natasha's that she'd left in the gym and exited the tower. She had never had the chance to just walk around New York or anywhere really, the only time she was ever allowed out of the compound was for missions and missions didn't really leave you a lot of time for sight-seeing, so she didn't have the slightest clue where she was going.

The cold tempreture reminded her of her dream, she hugged the jacket closer to her, trying to keep some of her body heat. She was walking past an alley when she heard it. A scream, pleading, begging. Katarina would've ignored it whilst with Hydra, it wouldn't have mattered to her what was happening, if it wasn't the mission it wasn't important. But she knew that sound, the panic, the fear, she had wanted to beg and plead like that many times in her life.

Entering the alley, Katarina saw a woman pinned to the wall, three men having her trapped there.

"Stop, please," She whimpered as a man roughly tore at her top.

Katarina stepped further into the alley and cleared her throat, "I believe she told you to stop," Katarina said calmly leaning agaisnt a wall, looking thoroughly uninterested in the whole situation.

"Mind your buisiness, bitch, or you'll be next," The man with his arm around the womans throat told her.

"I'm making this my buisiness. Let her go. Now," These men clearly underestimated her, probably thinking seen as though she was a girl she wouldn't be able to stop them.

"Let it go, honey. She's been teasing us all night, if she didn't want it she wouldn't be showing so much,"

"I'm pretty sure when a girl says no they mean now. Now I'll say it once more, let her go or I'll have to hurt you, Honey,"

The men scoffed at her and the one still holding onto the woman nodded his head towards Katarina, the two others moved towards Katarina clearly intended on hurting her.

If she were any other girl Katarina would've been scared, these men were a lot bigger than Katarina and had muscles that looked like all they did everyday was hit the weights. The first one went to grab Katarina, she caught his hand and bent his wrist back until she heard a crack, then using it she flipped him, slamming him hard into the ground. The other panicked but threw a punch at her head, Katarina ducked under it and grabbed him in a choke hold, holding him tightly smirking slightly as he slumped unconscious. Katarina dropped him and turned her full attention onto the third attacker.

The third was slightly more prepared than his two friends, as soon as he let the woman go she sunk to the ground of the alley still shaking in fear. He pulled out a knife and stalked towards Katarina.

"Put that away before you hurt yourself," Katarina rolled her eyes. Her entire life had revolved around fighting and weapons this was nothing. He sloppily jabbed the knife toward her midsection, Katarina took a small step back and slapped her right hand agaisnt his wrist at the same time as smacking the back of his hand with her left, forcing the knife from his grip and sending it across the alley. The panic in his eyes amused her but it didn't last long as she slammed her knee into his stomach and as he doubled over she elbowed him in the back of the head, knocking him out.

Taking a deep breath Katarina slowly made her way over to the scared woman, "Hey, you're okay now. I promise," Katarina told her drawing on all of her undercover training to try calm the woman down. "Just take a deep breath, they can't hurt you now," Katarina waited for the woman to gain some self control before continuing, "What's your name?"

"Ali," The woman said her voice still shaky but she had stopped crying thankfully.

"Ali. Hi, I'm," Katarina paused, who was she supposed to be? "I'm Kate," She decided, "Is there anyone you can call to come get you?"

Ali shook her head. Katarina sighed, of course there wouldn't be that would make this too easy. "Can I help you up?" After what she had just been through, Katarina wasn't going to touch her unless Ali said she could. When she nodded Katarina slowly extended her arm and pulled the woman up. "Did they hurt you?"

Ali shook her head, "You got here before they could. Thank you,"

Katarina felt uncomfortable at the thanks but ignored it, telling Ali it was nothing.

"Would you like me to walk you home? New York isn't exactly the safest place in the world," It wasn't the unsafest either but Katarina wanted to make sure Ali got home safely, she didn't want to have saved her life for nothing.

"I can't ask you do to that. What if someone hurts you?" Ali was still trembling, still terrified. Why wasn't she accepting help? Katarina looked at Ali before realising the woman looked older than her, most likely in her late twenties, and that was probably why she was refusing Katarina's help.

"I'll be fine," Katarina reassured, "My parents have had me in self defence, like, my whole life," She lied, it took a bit more convincing before Ali finally agreed to Katarina walking her home.

They had only walked a few blocks before Katarina realised Ali was still shaking, she shrugged off her jacket, "Here," She handed it to Ali.

"I can't. You'll be cold,"

Katarina pushed it toward Ali again, "I don't really feel the cold. Take it, please," And Ali did.

The walk took about half an hour and they encountered no further problems on the way. Katarina managed to keep talking to Ali and calm her down, something she was shocked about but found herself glad she could.

"Thank you, again," Ali said as they stood outside her house.

"Will you be okay now?" Katarina asked, hoping the answer would be yes because she didn't know what she would do if Ali said no.

"My roomate will be back sometime today, I'll be fine," Ali told her with a small smile.

Katarina nodded, "Good, well, I best get home," She said rather awkwardly, not knowing what to do now.

"Seriously, Kate, thank you,"

Katarina shrugged the thanks off awkwardly and started to retrace her steps in an attempt to find her way back to the tower.

The sun was up by the time Katarina got back, she hadn't realised how long she had walked before finding Ali and she had gotten lost once or twice but she wasn't about to admit that. She snuck back into the tower and headed straight for the kitchen, she had gotten used to meeting Pepper in there in the quiet hours of the morning before the rest of the tower woke up.

Upon entering the kitchen she was shocked at what greeted her, a clearly panicked Pepper and Natasha.

"Hello," Katarina said moving further into the kitchen. Something must be wrong if Natasha hadn't noticed her movements. Both women whirled to face her relief on their faces.

"Where have you been?" Natasha asked rushing over to her and checking her for injuries.

"I went for a walk," Katarina answered slowly. "I woke up and needed fresh air. Does anyone want a coffee?" She asked moving over to the pot. Pepper had started to let Katarina make it, stating that her coffee tasted better, something that made Katarina feel proud.

All the tension and panic seemed to leave Natasha's body, leaving her tired and just wanting to go to bed. "No thank you, _m_ _ia stella_. If you leave the tower again can you let someone know, or get someone to go with you? Me and Pepper were worried,"

Oh. Katarina was still getting used to people worrying about her. It sort of made sense they'd want to know where she was and considering she hadn't left the tower since getting here they probably assumed something bad had happened.

"Of course," Katarina said moving over to start making coffee for her and Pepper, "I'm sorry," She added.

Natasha smiled at her before leaving the kitchen, rubbing tired eyes and dragging her feet. The kitchen was silent whilst Katarina made the coffee. It was only when the coffee was half drunk the silence was broken by Katarina.

"I helped someone," Katarina said quietly. Pepper stayed silent, knowing that if she tried to encourage Katarina to go on she'd freeze up and Pepper would get nothing from her.

"A woman, she said her name was Ali, she was in an alley, three men were attacking her. I stopped them, I didn't even kill them, just knocked them out and left them. Then I walked her home to make sure she was safe. She thanked me,"

Pepper waited for a moment, taking a long sip of her coffee, to make sure Katarina was done talking before asking, "And how did that make you feel?"

Katarina internally smiled, one of her undercover ops she was a therapist, Pepper talking to her like this reminded her of that mission. She could see the irony, she helped people get over their problems and deal with their emotions but couldn't do it for herself.

"I liked it," Katarina said simply, with the smallest smile on her face. Pepper tried to discreetly stare at the smile, it was the closest Katarina had gotten to an actual smile since she got here.

"Would you like to keep doing it?"

Katarina was silent for so long Pepper thought she wasn't going to answer her.

"I think so," Katarina answered so quietly that Pepper didn't hear it. She sounded like a lost little girl and it broke Pepper's heart.

"You should talk to Natasha about this. Maybe you can join S.H.I.E.L.D. I know James wants to, perhaps you could do it together,"

Join S.H.I.E.L.D. Katarina thought, maybe she could finally do some good, she had the skills to help people, she should use them. It was a big decisions but Katarina knew she couldn't hide in the tower for the rest of her life. She needed to get over what Hydra did to her, she needed to try and make up for all the bad she had done and S.H.I.E.L.D might be the organisation that could help her. S.H.I.E.L.D. might be where she could find redemption.

"I just might," Katarina said draining the last of her coffee.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Again, thank you all for your lovely Reviews, PMs, Favourites and Alerts. You guys are amazing!**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own Marvel**

"You and Barnes want to join S.H.I.E.L.D?" Natasha asked.

Katarina nodded, she had spoken about it in length with James. She wanted to make the world a safer place, a better place, whether that meant fighting your day to day bad guys or Norse gods and alien invasion, she wanted to help.

"If they'll accept us, we're sort of the most dangerous assassins around,"

"Unwillingly,"

"Still, most of the major assassinations to take place in recent history were either me or him,"

"They took me, they'll take you. In fact, I'm pretty sure Fury was just waiting for you both to adjust before asking you to join." She winked at Katarina.

Natasha knew Fury was planning on getting Katarina and Barnes to join S.H.I.E.L.D. There was no way he'd not try get the Winter Soldier and Siren to join, he was probably hoping for the two to become Avengers too. Natasha was completely fine with Barnes and Katarina joining the Avengers, they were the best in the business and she felt safer already knowing they'd have her back. She hoped Fury would make them partners, she had seen the two work with eachother, they didn't need to speak anymore to understand what they were doing, they just knew. Their partnership was like hers and Clint's, no matter how much Hydra hated it they couldn't take it away.

"Do you think it's a good idea?" Katarina asked quietly. Natasha hated how small and unsure she sounded, it made her hate Hydra even more. It had truly broken her heart when Katarina had told her she helped a woman and sounded so shocked that she did something good, that she could do and be good, she hated how Hydra broke her and made her think that all she could ever be was a weapon.

" _Mia Stella_ , I think it is the best idea ever," Natasha reassured. She wanted nothing more than to kiss the younger girl but Natasha didn't want to push her. Katarina had enough to worry about without adding their relationship, or whatever they were now, to her plate.

"You really think I can do good? That I can help people?" She asked hopefully, ducking her head in embarassement. Katarina didn't want to do bad things anymore, she never had done. When she was little Alexandria she wanted to help people, she wanted to save the world, and Hydra took that from her, took her identity from her and now Katarina wanted to repent for all the bad she had done.

Natasha put her fingers under Katarina's chin and gently pushed it until Katarina had no choice but to look her in the eyes. "Katarina, I know you can do good, you already have and you helped that woman the other week. You can do this, _M_ _ia Stella._ I know you can,"

And Katarina smiled. A full blown, could light New York up for the rest of forever, smile that made Natasha's heart stutter and her own smile to grace her face. Katarina's first smile in god knows how long and Natasha was the one to put it there. God Natasha wanted to kiss that smile, instead she settled for holding Katarina's hand and squeezing it affectionately. The words _I love you_ bubbled in Natasha's chest but she couldn't say them yet. Katarina was still getting used to affection and caring, she couldn't rush her.

Katarina had been invited by James and Captain America, _please call me Steve,_ to go running in the morning. Apparently they often invited Natasha but she hated running in the morning, well she hated mornings in general, if Natasha had nothing to get up for she'd sleep well into the morning, sometimes not rising until gone noon. James had told her they run with another man called Sam, who apparently helped Steve and Natasha when James had been sent to kill them. He was nice, James had reassured as they went to meet him.

"Hi, you must be Katarina," Sam said as soon as he saw her. He didn't look scared of her, which shocked her, most people were afraid of Katarina, "I'm Sam," He gave her a charming smile and stook his hand out for her to shake.

Katarina found she hated meeting new people, they made her nervous and the nervousness made her anxious, it was just a mess. She had to constantly remind herself that she was one of the most feared assassins in the world and was not supposed to be afraid of anything. She shook Sam's hand and smiled back at him.

Steve and James, she decided, were like little children constantly teasing Sam. Obviously with the two being super-soldiers they could run faster than a normal person, something they liked to rub in. Katarina kept pace with Sam even though she could've ran as fast as the other two. Sam seemed to appreciate that she was and she knew if she still wanted to run later she could use the treadmill in the tower gym and go as fast as she wanted.

Every time Steve and Bucky passed they said something to Sam. Steve constantly said _'On your left'_ whilst James would pass at the same time, coming between Sam and Katarina, to tell Sam he was _'On_ _your_ _right'_. It seemed to aggravate Sam who would try to run a lot quicker then he could manage when the two super-soldiers were heard behind them.

Katarina had never seen James act so childish and decided to, hopefully, make Sam a little happier. Sam had been nothing but nice to Katarina, he hadn't asked her anything about Hydra or her assassin life, he had joked with her and promised to show her his large film and music collection and help her get to know the world after he had asked her what her favourite film was and she had told him she'd never seen one so she had no idea. He seemed particularly excited to show her _Star Wars_ claiming she was probably the only person in the world who didn't know. When she asked know what, he just smiled at her and increased his pace. Now Katarina had no choice but to watch just so she could know whatever it was.

Just before James passed with a ' _On your right'_ again, Katarina gave Sam a small smirk and when James came between the two she tripped him over, not even stumbling in her steady pace. Sam laughed loudly as James tumbled down, rolling with the fall, but staying on the floor. Katarina could also hear Steve laughing at James' betrayed face as he looked at Katarina, mock hurt written all it.

"Sorry," She said, not sounding sorry at all, "I thought you were on my right,"

James couldn't stop the happy smile on his face even if he tried. Katarina had made a joke. He hoped it was a sign of her actually getting better and not just faking it. James decided to run with Sam and Katarina after that spending the rest of the run trying to get Sam to agree to spar with him. It wasn't happening.

Katarina had also found out that Steve was the little blond boy James had talked about in Italy. James had explained that Steve was once a small, skinny boy constantly getting into fights with bullies until he volunteered for _Project Rebirth_ which made him into this muscly super-soldier. When Steve found out that even when brainwashed James had at one point remembered him and wanted to find him, he kissed James' blushing cheek and Katarina felt a twinge of something inside of her. She couldn't name the twinge but she didn't like it.

She couldn't help but think Natasha hadn't kissed her since she got her back, she hadn't hugged her or held her whilst they slept. In fact the most affectionate Natasha had been was that first night. Katarina wondered if it was her fault, if Natasha had only liked her because she was the only option, if when Natasha got away from the Red Room she realized she deserved better than Katarina.

Katarina didn't know what she'd do if that were true. The only thing she was 100% sure of was that her feelings for Natasha had remained the same. She wanted what they had in Italy, she wanted hugs and kisses, proclamations of love, getting lost in each others eyes and all that mushy stuff she sees Steve and James do. Natasha didn't though, otherwise she would've done it all. Katarina didn't know much but she knew Natasha did what Natasha wanted, and she always got what she wanted. She had wanted Katarina at one point so she had got her. Smashed through all the walls built around Katarina, broke all the rules Hydra forced upon her and helped her fall in love.

She still shared a room with Natasha, and a bed, neither of them had spoken about Katarina moving and Katarina herself didn't want to bring it up. She knew she'd get no sleep if Natasha wasn't besides her, it was really the only place she felt safe enough to stop being on high alert and sleep.

That night instead of her usual night time preparations, which consisted of washing her face, brushing her hair and teeth, moisturizing, getting her sleep clothes on and handcuffing herself to the bed, Katarina skipped the last one. Instead of handcuffing herself to the bed, she rolled over so her back was to Natasha and curled up into a tiny ball on the very edge of the bed. Her right arm, the one usual handcuffed, was pressed into her body, her left arm wrapped around it protectively whilst her left hand grasped the wrist tightly, hoping to get some of the same comfort as the handcuffs give her.

She didn't say anything to Natasha and was glad Natasha didn't say anything to her. She was Siren, she could do anything, she could sleep without being handcuffed to the bed, she kept repeating to herself, with eyes squeezed tightly shut as if that could keep the panic away. She focused on her breathing determined to keep it normal, she wouldn't freak out over this. Her hand squeezed her wrist painfully tight but it was comforting, not as comforting as the cold metal of handcuffs but until she was sure she'd be able to sleep through the night without being handcuffed, grasping tightly onto her wrist would have to do.

It was time she got over Hydra and what they did to her, she told herself before forcing herself to go to sleep.

Katarina found it the most peculiar feeling when she woke up early the following morning without her shoulder aching and her wrist hurting. She uncurled herself and rolled over to face Natasha, who was still fast asleep. Katarina would usually get out of bed, put on the work out clothes Natasha left out for her the night before and meet James to go jogging. Then she'd come back, quickly shower, change into the normal clothes Natasha would leave for her and make her way to the kitchen for coffee and breakfast with Pepper. However, this morning, Katarina decided to stay in bed for a while, she realised that just watching Natasha whilst she slept was a bit creepy but she couldn't help it.

Natasha was adorable when she slept. The way she sucked on her bottom lip slightly made Katarina's heart do funny things. She didn't know how long she laid there watching Natasha sleep but by the time she decided to get out of bed she knew she had missed jogging with the boys and Pepper would already be up and in the kitchen.

Her morning routine went about the same, just slightly delayed, until she went to get dressed. She automatically reached for the clothes Natasha had laid out for her the night before, stopping herself just before she reached them. Last night she slept without handcuffs and she survived, deciding to continue to push herself she opened the closet to pick out her own clothes. Natasha owned so many of them and soon so would she, Pepper had already told her they were going to get her some clothes, thankfully Natasha convinced her they should shop online, Katarina wasn't sure she'd be able to handle crowded shops yet.

She picked out a pair of black leggings and an overly large, white, knitted sweater that went down to her knees. Happy with herself for picking something she left to go to the kitchen.

She was right, Pepper was already in there pouring a mug of coffee. She smiled at Katarina when she entered and noticed the pleased look on her face.

"What's got you so happy this morning?" She asked, grabbing another mug and pouring some for Katarina.

"I chose my clothes this morning." Katarina answered quietly, now she said it out loud it sounded stupid. She knew there were small children who picked out their own clothes every day and Katarina, who had decided that she would just refer to herself as a twenty-one year old, was pleased that she was doing it. It made her feel silly.

Pepper noticed the slight frown mar Katarina's face as she placed the coffee mug in front of her. "That's great!" Pepper said with so much enthusiasm that Katarina felt better. Pepper knew the young girl was forcing herself to get better quicker, she wanted to join S.H.I.E.L.D and knew she couldn't until she was better. Pepper couldn't even begin to describe how brave she thought Katarina was. She didn't know how she'd handle what happened to Katarina if it happened to her, but Pepper was almost certain she wouldn't be reacting as well as Katarina was.

They didn't talk much in the mornings, both preferring the quiet hours of the dawn to prepare themselves for what they'd be doing during the day. Pepper the mass amount of meetings and stress that came with being CEO to Stark Industries and Katarina the regular day-to-day things normal people did that she had no idea about and the fact she could make her own choices.

Her days had fallen into a routine, which was odd for her. Routine was dangerous, it meant you were getting too comfortable and comfort meant letting your guard down, but she found herself enjoying her days. Waking up, jogging with the boys, coffee and breakfast with Pepper, sparring with James, spending time with Natasha, learning about the world with Natasha, Pepper if she wasn't busy, James, Sam, Steve and if another Avenger was about them. Lunch with Natasha where the red head would take her out to one of her favourite places so it was just them, and dinner would always be a team thing. It was always fun, someone was always joking or laughing and she was always including in conversations, people always talking to her and understanding if she didn't really have anything to say back.

* * *

It was whilst she was alone in the gym that Stark appeared.

"Can we talk?" He asked clearly nervous.

Katarina stopped her furious assault on the punching bag and turned to look at him, nodding.

"Aren't you supposed to wrap your hands up, or something, when you do that?" He motioned to the punching bag.

"What's the point?" Katarina asked, "My hands aren't going to be protected in a real fight," She told him exactly what Hydra had drilled into her. No matter how much James and Natasha tried she didn't use protective gear during training. It wasn't going to be there in real life, she'd argue. It was the one thing Hydra taught her she didn't see a problem with.

Stark nodded, he still looked uncomfortable. He was fiddling with his hands and looking anywhere but at her. Katarina went back to hitting the bag, he'd speak if he wanted to.

"I'm sorry," He finally said.

Katarina stopped mid-punch, confused. "Sorry for what?" She wondered, turning to give him her full attention.

"I shouldn't have asked you how many people you've killed. It was wrong of me, it's not like you actually had a choice,"

Katarina briefly wondered if Pepper or someone else had forced Stark into an apology before deciding it didn't matter. He sounded sincere and not many had the courage to say something that could potentially piss her off.

"You don't have to apologise, Stark," She told him, "All you did was ask a question,"

"A rude one," He pointed out.

"You're letting me to stay in your home. I imagine you were worried for your safety, or your friends safety, it's understandable," She told him, starting to feel uncomfortable. He hadn't angered her with his question, it was a valid one, she wanted him to go now though, this was making her anxious.

"I was drunk and none of that matters. What you did with Hydra, I mean. Like I said, you didn't have a choice, I know that. I created the equipment and software that rid you of their control and gave you your memories back. I shouldn't of asked you, I'm a dick when drunk," He told her.

"Then why do you drink?" She asked, not understanding. If drinking made him unkind, why do it?

He shrugged and looked uncomfortable, "Things happened to me. I was messed up and a bunch of other stuff, I was dying for a bit too, drinking just seemed to be the only thing that made me forget."

She knew he was dying, she had over heard a conversation whilst with Hydra about him dying from some sort of poison which was the only reason they weren't sending someone to kill him, that and they were buying some of his weapons.

"You should find another way to fight your demons," She told him, turning back to the bag and hitting it, "You're not the only one with them, you have to find a healthy way to deal with them," She continued thinking of her therapist mission.

"Oh yeah?" He asked in an amused voice, "Do you have a healthy way yet?"

"No," She answered straight away, "I'm forcing myself to act like a normal person would. Ignoring my problems in the hopes that if I do they'll stop existing. It's not healthy but it's the only way I've got at the moment, well that and hitting things," She joked, "I'll let you know if I find a healthy way though, Stark," She promised.

"I will too," He told her before heading out of the room, "It's Tony, by the way," He added just before the doors closed.

"Tony," She said quietly, as she started her deadly assault on the bag again.

* * *

After a few days of watching Natasha longingly, she decided that she needed to talk to James, he would help her with the problem.

"Tectum?" _Roof?_ She asked him in Latin, a language she knew no one else in the room would understand. She watched his face turn from a happy smile to worry at her using a different language. He nodded and led the way quickly.

"Quid iniuriam?" _What's wrong?_ He asked as soon as the door shut.

"Auxilium postulo," _I need help,_ God that was hard to admit. James raised an eyebrow waiting for her to continue, "Auxilium cum Caio," _Help with Natasha._

"Quid? Quid eset quod factum est?" _Why? What has she done?_

"Sed quod non fecit. Puto me iam non vult," _It's what she hasn't done. I don't think she wants me anymore._

James laughed. Katarina stared at him, offended, he laughed at her problem. Maybe she shouldn't have asked him for help.

Seeing her offended face he quickly stopped, "Contristatus," _Sorry,_ He said, "Sed hoc est inconveniens. Cornelius sit semper vobiscum. Quæ te diligit," _But that is ridiculous. Natasha has always wanted you. She loves you._

"Dilexit me," _She loved me,_ Katarina corrected, "Sed uterque brainwashed continuit. Quid si suus ' iustus a prodigium cognovit ego sum?" _but we were both brainwashed and controlled. What if she's realised I'm just a monster._

"Non monstrum! Et non electio!" _You are not a monster! You had no choice!_ James argued.

"Si Natashaa, si tamen volebat quod fecisit mihi de illo aliquid. Quod ante non," _If Natasha wanted me she would've done something about it._ _S_ _he did before._

"Alio prius . Exspectat ut sit melius , aut aliquid de te expectat . Sed nemo scit , habebis loqui as ipsius voluntatem," _Before was different. She might be waiting for you to get better, or she's waiting for you to do something about it. No one knows but her, you'll have to talk to her about it._

Talking to Natasha about it sounded terrifying. What if she didn't and Katarina made a fool out of herself by asking?

"Non possum ego a me," _I don't think I can,_ Katarina said quietly.

"Affectus sunt scary," _Feelings are scary,_ James said. That was an understatment, Katarina thought, "Cum praesertim eas agere nesciunt," _Especially when you don't know how to deal with them._

Katarina knew that. Everyday these emotions, all emotions, scared her. She was taught to be emotionless, show nothing, feel nothing, now it was encouraged but she still didn't know how to express them or show them.

"Sed tu, Katarina es Drew, nihil potestis facere," _But you,_ _y_ _ou're Katarina Drew,_ _t_ _here is nothing you can't do._

Okay, that sounded like a lie to her, but okay. She was sure Katarina Drew couldn't do a lot, Katarina Drew was just a scared, lost girl. It was Siren who could do anything, she could do anything because she had no choice. She kind of understood where James was coming from though, she was supposed to Katarina first and Siren second.

"Non possum hoc facere?" _I can do this?_ She meant to say it confidently but it came out more like a question.

"Non possum hoc facere," _You can do this,_ James told her. He sounded so sure of it, so confident in her that she believed she could.

"Disputatio Cornelius," _Talk to Natasha_ , she said to herself not noticing James leaving her, "Ego potest hoc facere. Suus ' iustus Natasha," _I can do this. It's just Natasha,_

She stayed on the roof for a while longer, thinking. Her parents came to mind, them and her brother. She didn't want to think about them, she couldn't handle it. Everything else was just orders, it wasn't personal, and sometimes she could convince herself it didn't bother her that much. What she did to her family though? She should've been strong enough to stop herself. The self-loathing she felt when she remembered how she killed them, she felt like it would tear her apart. When she recalled how easily she shot her brother, just to get her own pain to stop, she wished it were her. There are things worse than death, and the guilt she was currently feeling convinced her of that.

She didn't have to follow their orders, she thought to herself, she could've disobeyed, fought harder than she did. Sure she did it for her survival, and yeah she survived but is the price she's paying worth it? She feels as though she is getting weaker with every breath she takes with her toxic body.

She hated that she could remember everything she ever did. Every life she took, every life she ruined, every man, woman and child she hurt. She was the reason why people struggled to find the good in the world. She wished the process she went through didn't return the bad memories but that's not how life worked, and she deserved all the suffering she got. She made innocents suffer, she needed to pay somehow. Katarina hadn't been innocent for a very long time, if she ever truly was. She was a murderer, torture, assassin, monster, weapon. She would spend every moment for the rest of her life trying to make up for all the pain she has caused the world. She would die trying to right all the wrongs she did.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks and Katarina hated herself more for it. Weapons don't cry, weapons don't have emotions, Hydra had told her repeatedly, and she was a weapon. A short time away from Hydra and she was already weak and pathetic.

Her parents would hate what she's become, she hates what she's become. Little Alexandria was going to save the world one day, she was going to be kind and loving and do good deeds for no reason other than she can. Hydra took that from her, now any good thing she ever did would forever be tainted with the need to make up for what she's done. A punishment that will go on forever.

Her tears were coming harder now. Hysterical sobs that showed no sign of slowing down or stopping. She couldn't breath, every time she managed to suck in some air she choked on it like it was something vile. Her body jerked violently with every sob. She had never cried like this before, had never been allowed, the most Katarina ever cried had been a tear or two which led to cruel punishments that made sure she'd never cry again.

She was so caught up in her sobbing she didn't notice anyone near her until strong arms were wrapped around her, someone's chin resting on her head as the person rocked them back and forth, whispering comforting words to her and pressing soft kisses into her hair.

Natasha.

The only person who had ever been able to sneak up on her. The only person who could calm her down. The only person she had ever admitted to needing. Those strong arms made her feel safer than any protective gear ever could. Natasha held her until the crying slowed down to the occassional hiccup and shuddery breath. She held her close until her breathing deepened and Katarina fell asleep.

Natasha carried her to their floor and put the brunette into their bed, her tear stained face breaking Natasha's heart. Natasha pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Katarina's temple and curled up next to her, holding Katarina securely whilst she slept.

 **Next chapter is pure Natasha/Katarina fluff. The more reviews/favourites I get the quicker it gets posted ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: You guys! The reviews for the last chapter made me so happy, I'm glad you're enjoying the story! So I am uploading this chapter earlier than I usually do but I just really wanted to get it out here. This chapter is pure Natasha/Katarina, I would really like to hear what you think about it and if you liked it. Anyway read on, if you even bother to read this, and hopefully enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, just an obscene amount of comics ;)**

Katarina felt more like death then she ever had before when she woke up, which considering the fact that she had actually died once must've been bad. Her throat hurt, her eyes were puffy and ached and she felt like she had let James' metal arm beat the crap out of her for days. The pounding in her head also sucked.

"How are you feeling?" Natasha said quietly from next to her, tightening her hold on Katarina.

Katarina nearly answered honestly, nearly told Natasha she felt like death but recalled Natasha had thought she was dead, had been told she was dead twice and decided against it. She shook her head, ignoring the pain, and pressed herself further into Natasha side.

"Painkillers?" Natasha asked, Katarina shook her head again. She'd never taken anything for pain before and she was not about to be weak enough to let a headache be the reason she did. She was already weak after crying like that last night.

"At least have some water," Natasha said, blindly reaching behind her for a glass of water. Katarina didn't want to move from Natasha's warm embrace though, she was far too comfortable, she'd put up with all of the pain just to stay there.

"Please," Natasha pleaded. That was the only reason Katarina moved. Natasha stared at Katarina whilst she slowly drank the cold water, her tears had stained her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy. It was the least put together Natasha had ever seen her and Natasha thought she was stunning. Her hair messy, her face blotchy, nose red, eyes bloodshot, she was the most stunning person on the planet.

Katarina was sure she looked a mess. She never really cared for her appearance, something Hydra did made her always look great, sometimes unnaturally great, they needed her to be stunning, after all, beauty is deadly. Whatever they had done to her she was sure it wasn't working now. If she looked half as bad as she felt it was sure to be horrendous.

After finishing her water she noticed Natasha was staring at her, she was a wreck, she knew that. She felt self-conscious, a feeling she'd never really had before, and went back under the quilt hiding her face. Natasha chuckled lightly before curling up on the bed as well, moving to hold onto Katarina.

" _Mia Stella,_ " Natasha whispered, her voice awed as she lightly ran her fingers over Katarina's back through the quilt, "I've missed having you in my arms. I never thought I'd be able to hold you again," She admitted.

Katarina stiffened in Natasha's arm momentarily before relaxing and rolling over. She was facing Natasha now but still hidden under the quilt.

Natasha smiled softly and held onto Katarina tighter. If Natasha had a say in anything she'd never let the younger girl go again. "Katarina?" Natasha cooed, "Come out,"

Katarina didn't want to but she did. She was doing lots of thinks she didn't want to recently, this was probably one of the easiest things she had done recently. She slowly peeped out from under the quilt.

"There you are, beautiful," Natasha readjusted Katarina in her arms so they were even closer. "Why were you crying, _Mia Stella?"_

Katarina didn't want to talk about that. Crying was weakness, Hydra had drilled into her. It was going to take her a while to stop thinking that.

"Why don't you want me anymore?" Katarina asked before she could stop herself. So, she was doing this now? Whilst completely unprepared? She should've just answered the damn question, that would've been a much easier conversation.

"What are you talking about, _Mia Stella?"_ Natasha asked, confusion written all over her face.

"Voglio dire,ho capito perché non si farebbe. Sei Natasha Romanov , la Vedova Nera , agente S.H.I.E.L.D. , Avenger , si salva la gente e io sono Sirena , Hydra asssassino, mi rovina le persone e le loro vite. Sono un monstro, la cosa che le persone mettono in guardia i loro bambini circa. Mi stavo chiedendo se ci fosse un motivo specifico," _I mean I understand why you wouldn't. You're Natasha Romanov, Black Widow, S.H.I.E.L.D agent, Avenger, you save people and I'm Siren, Hydra assassin, I ruin people and their lives. I'm a monster, the thing people warn their children about. I was just wondering if there was a specific reason,_ Katarina rambled, shrugging lamely and, oh, how Natasha wanted to cry.

Natasha couldn't handle it, the way Katarina was talking hurt more than any torture she had been through. She tucked Katarina's head under her chin and stroked her hair. Katarina didn't cry, she didn't react, she was numb to it all. Natasha wanted to hold onto Katarina, hold her so tightly all these cracks and broken bits stuck back together. She wanted to fix every problem Katarina had, protect her from everything the world threw at her and make sure nothing could hurt the girl every again.

" _Mia Stella,_ of course I want you." She said in a tone that meant no arguing, forcing Katarina to look her in the eyes, "I have always wanted you and I always will. You're my star, the only reason I stayed sane in the Red Room. I just didn't want to force anything onto you. You've never had a choice in anything you've done, they forced everything onto you, I didn't want to do that as well,"

Now Katarina felt bad. Here Natasha was being sweet and kind and all Katarina could think was she didn't want her anymore.

"The only thing I've ever chosen for myself is you," Katarina mumbled, refusing to look at Natasha.

"I love you, Katarina." Natasha told her as if it was so simple and for Natasha it was. For Natasha loving Katarina was almost as natural as breathing. She remembered every moment the two spent together as just themselves, no Black Widow and no Siren, no KGB, Red Room or Hydra, just Natasha and Katarina wrapped up in each other like there was nothing else in the world.

Those sayings of loving someone being easy, Natasha thought, were a lie. Loving Katarina had been full of complications. What with Hydra and the Red Room, missions and assassinations, memory wipes, cryo-freezes, mind-control and god knows what else. Not loving Katarina would've been simpler, it just wasn't possible and everything they went through, all the pain, all the heartache and sorrow, Natasha thought, _knew_ , it was worth it. It was definitely worth it because now, Natasha had Katarina in her arms, she could feel that she was safe and alive and _t_ _here_.

"You could have someone better," Katarina pointed out, "Someone who hasn't spent their entire life hurting innocents. Someone who isn't a monster. Someone who isn't a human disaster." The term _Human disaster_ she had heard on a show she watched with Tony and she thought it described her perfectly. The person on the show struggled to do even the simple things in life just like Katarina.

"You are not a monster," Natasha told her sternly, "You are not a disaster and it wasn't you who hurt those innocent people. You had no choice, neither did Barnes, neither did I. We are not the monsters, the people who took us, tried to ruin us, those people are the monsters. Don't you ever forget that. You're an innocent in this too,"

"I was innocent," Katarina corrected, thinking of little Alexandria who used to catch snow flakes on her tongue and tried to fly whilst on the swings in the park, "I stopped being innocent the first time I hurt someone for them. I should've fought harder, should've done something, anything, to stop them. You and Barnes keep saying I didn't have a choice, I did, I could've disobeyed them, I could've let them kill me,"

"No! That was not an option, that was never an option. They did bad things to you, Katarina. They did horrible things, they scrambled up your brain and put it back in so they were in charge. You couldn't have disobeyed them, they would not have allowed it. You can't say things like that, _Mia Stella._ I need you and I need you alive, here, with me, in my arms."

Katarina felt guilty again, she hated that feeling. She had made Natasha cry, something she actively tried to avoid, she hated when Natasha cried, she hated when Natasha was anything but happy and here Katarina was the cause of her pain, she seemed to cause Natasha a lot of pain.

"My world is such a dark and lonely place without you in it," Natasha whispered into her ear.

Italy. Why couldn't they go back to Italy? Life was suprisingly simple in Verona. They bought fresh fruit and veg from the market a few blocks away, they had a simple, small apartment they loved with a great view, they ate out in lovely restaurants and had candle lit dinners and never once thought about all the things they had done.

"I'm sorry I ruined Italy,"

"How on earth did you ruin Italy? I was happier than I had ever been there. Strawberries and melted chocolate every night on the balcony, watching the sunset and rise from our bed, farmers markets and cooking with each other. I still struggle to look at whipped cream without blushing," Natasha laughed.

"I got us caught. If it weren't for me, we could've stayed in Italy for the rest of our lives. It could've all been simple,"

"You were triggered, _Mia Stella,_ it wasn't your fault,"

"What if it happens again?"

"It won't. Starks, whatever it was, got it all out, he's sure of it. The triggers, the conditioning, it even returned your memories,"

Katarina was silent. She stared into Natasha's green eyes, the most rare colour, her mind told her. She remembered so many other nights like this. Getting lost in Natasha's eyes as if she would find salvation in them, and in someways she did. Natasha had always saved her. She saved her from just being Siren, giving her Katarina as well, she saved her by disregarding all the rules forced upon them and making Katarina feel things. She saved her when she rearranged Katarina's whole universe, making herself the very center. She saved Katarina in a million other ways and some Katarina had probably forgotten.

"Kiss me?" Katarina asked, because that's all that was left to do. She still had a thousand apologies in her lungs, they still threatened to drown her if she thought about them too long, she still had so many wrongs to right but she could do it, eventually.

When Natasha's soft lips gently caressed her own, Katarina was sure she was in heaven. Time seemed to stop, everything seemed to stop and Katarina felt safe. Natasha tasted like sunshine, or maybe she didn't, maybe it was just because Natasha had become her light that she thought that, but Katarina honestly didn't care. Natasha was kissing her like she was savoring her, like how you would a hot drink in the cold winter.

The way Natasha kissed her was like nothing she had ever experianced before. Soft, sweet and innocent, her lips barely against her own, the pressure just there so Katarina could feel it but it wasn't demanding anything else. That was what really got Katarina, kisses usually demanded more. More pressure, more tongue, more touching, just more.

The songs she had heard when driving with Natasha made sense now, now she was truly allowed to think about her feelings, she got them. All these songs about love, they kind of all made sense to her in one way or another. She knew why there were so many of them though, why so many singers tried to write about love, because it was so hard to put exactly what she was feeling into words. How could she describe the way Natasha lips softly agaisnt hers made her feel? What words could possibly explain what her heart was doing in her chest? None. That was why there were so many, they were all trying to do the same impossible thing, they were all trying to put love into words.

When Natasha pulled away she was smiling, love shining in her eyes and it made Katarina's breath catch.

Natasha.

She was the most beautiful thing Katarina had ever seen, probably will ever see. She wasn't perfect, no one in this world was, nor was she without her own issues but Katarina would have her no other way. Natasha was everything to Katarina.

"I love you," Katarina told her, simply because she could. Natasha was here, wrapped up in bed with her like they did in Italy, ignoring the world. They were together, Hydra and the Red Room no longer in control, it was finally just the two of them.

"I love you,"

Finally the words _I love you_ could be said louder than a whisper, with no fear hidden behind them because finally they didn't have to fear what would happen should anyone find out. They were free to love one another like they had always wanted.

"I love you,"

Natasha laughed and smiled so brightly that she struggled kissing Katarina again because she just couldn't stop smiling. She still managed it because if there was one thing Natasha could always manage to do it was kiss Katarina.

"I'm going to run us a nice, hot, relaxing bath," Natasha purred into her ear trying to escape the mess of limbs and tangled sheets they had gotten into. Katarina tried to pull her back, much preferring they stay in their bed and continue to hold and kiss one another, but Natasha was having none of it. Distracting Katarina with a smoldering kiss, she rushed to the bathroom whilst Katarina was still in a daze.

The bath was perfect; perfect temperature, Vanilla scented bath oil, bath salts, candles and Natasha behind her going from holding onto her and peppering her with kisses. It was the most relaxing thing Katarina had ever done and she felt boneless by the end.

Natasha had to force Katarina out when the water got cold just as she had to force her in. With the softest towels Natasha had the two dried and climbed back into the bed. Tomorrow they would have to face the world again but tonight it can be just them, wrapped up in each other in their own little corner of the universe.

"What were you crying about?" Natasha asked again, drawing nonsensical patterns on Katarina's bare back.

Katarina sighed, her breath tickling Natasha's neck, "A lot," was her very descriptive answer.

Natasha waited, asking again would result in Katarina closing up, but if she was patient and continued trailing her fingers, lightly, up and down Katarina's spine she would eventually answer. Maybe she should start running a hand through her hair as well.

The combination of Natasha and her fingers in her hair, sometimes grazing her scalp, and on her back had Katarina willing to do anything Natasha wanted so she continued, "It started with my parents I guess,"

"Your parents?"

"Before Hydra took me I had two loving parents and a big brother who doted on me. I don't remember much. My name was Alexandria, I don't know what my last name was. My parents spoiled me rotten as did my brother, he used to take me for ice cream all the time. Hydra got me from school, my first day, I think," Katarina squinted trying to make sense of the foggy memory, "They were the first people I killed," She whispered, saying it out loud made her hate herself even more.

Natasha held her closer, whispered words of comfort into her ear, telling her it wasn't her fault, her hand still carding through her hair.

"I slit my dads throat. I saw the life leave his eyes and memories were coming back. Not properly, just things like knowing where stuff was in the house, knowing what their voices sounded like, nothing that was going to stop me completing the mission,"

"The mission always has to be completed," Natasha whispered.

"And I'm happy to comply," Katarina added bitterly, blinking tears away. She refused to cry.

"I suffocated my mother, I couldn't bare to see her eyes as well. She had my stuffed Otter by her bed, I never went anywhere without it. My brother was the worst. He woke up. He was getting to me. Reminding me of things we used to do. Talking to me like nothing had changed, but everything had. It was hurting and I knew how to make the pain stop. He accepted it. Told me he loved me. I shot him in the head."

Kisses were pressed into her hair but no words were said. What could Natasha possibly say? There were no words that could fix it, no words that could take away the pain. The pain of losing ones family was almost unbearable, Natasha couldn't even imagine the pain of being forced to kill your own.

"I was crying about all of them. Every life I took, every life I ruined, all of it," She whispered. "How do you do it, Natasha? How do you handle it?"

"The simple answer? I just do, I don't have much choice," Natasha told her, before trying for a more helpful answer, "What happened, happened. You can't change that. It's hard. I still wake up some mornings thinking I was a ballerina, thinking I grew up with parents that loved me and had a normal life. We were unmade, _Mia Stella_ , now we're trying to make ourselves again. But we're not alone, me, you, Barnes, we all know what we're going through. We all understand and we can all help each other, just like we always tried to. We can use the skills they gave us to destroy the world to save it. Try to clear the red in our ledgers."

"We'll always have each other?"

"Always," Natasha promised, sealing it with an innocent kiss.

"I love you, Natasha. As the Black Widow, as Natalia Romanova, as Natasha Romanov. I love you,"

Natasha smiled, a loving, soft smile before whispering her own declaration of love.

As Katarina cuddled in closer to Natasha, she couldn't help her mind going back to nights in Italy, how they slept exactly like this. Katarina with her head in the crook of Natasha's neck, arms wrapped protectively around her waist, their legs tangled together and Natasha wrapping her arms around Katarina, keeping her in a loving embrace all night long. Katarina loved that from her position she could hear Natasha's heart beat. The sound, whilst disturbing, meant Natasha was alive and safe with her. She loved that if she opened her eyes she could see Natasha's chest rise and fall with each breath, or how if she was simply too tired to pry her eyes open she could feel her arm move with it.

Natasha for her part loved the constant contact between their bodies, how if you looked at them you would struggle to tell where one started and the other ended. She loved Katarina being pressed to her side, completely wrapped up in Natasha's arm, safe and protected. She loved that whilst they were like that nightmares didn't seem to exist, neither handcuffed themselves to a bed or worried about the things they had done. They just let their memory foam mattress, too many pillows, ridiculously-high-thread-count duvet and each others breathing lull them into a peaceful sleep.

Natasha's husky voice, with the slightest of sing-song in it, invaded Katarina's thoughts and Katarina was powerless to stop her smile, "Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you? Like a river flows, surely to the sea, Darling so we go, somethings were meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. 'Cause I can't help falling in love with you,"

Katarina remembered that song, it had played many times during their road-trip mission. So many times Katarina had thought it was ridiculous and wondered why with so many songs around they kept playing that one. It perfectly described what had happened to her though, Katarina could not help falling in love with Natasha.

"I love you," Katarina murmured, snuggling impossibly further into Natasha as she hummed the tune of the song, finger tips stroking the arm flung across her.

Everything was still hard, they still didn't know what they were doing, the world was still a scary place, but they had each other. They survived the Red Room and Hydra now all they had to do was make sure they lived past it, make sure it didn't control them for the rest of their lives. The best way to beat the people who did this to them was to live a life they wanted, do something they wanted to do and not let the demons they had eat them alive.

Together, though, together they could make it through anything, Katarina was sure.


	11. Chapter 11

Bullets cut through the air, so many that Katarina couldn't even tell where they were coming from

"We have to get past them," The Winter Soldier yelled. Katarina huffed, flicking her hair out of the way, she knew that but they were just so outnumbered.

It was supposed to be a simple mission but upon landing in Romania they were attacked. Their first mission had gone to hell.

Katarina poked her head out of cover and winced slightly. "I've got this, you go."

Soldier looked like he wanted to argue but knew better. With a slight no,d he got himself into place. Nat was going to kill her for this. Katarina jumped over her cover and threw her arm out, bullets turned in mid-air returning to their senders.

"I can do this all day," She smirked, flicking her wrist making someone fly ten feet back. She was lying of course, it had been at least a week since her and Soldier started this, fighting their way inch by inch through this jungle. She'd be lucky if she could continue using her powers for the next half an hour, they always exhausted her.

The mission itself was a simple one, a grab and retrieve thing, but S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn't known where the base was other than this forest in Kyrgyzstan, unfortunately for them that meant Katarina and James had to search for it themselves.

A bullet grazed Katarina's arm and she hissed in pain, Nat was definitely going to kill her. Blood trickled down her arm but Katarina didn't pay it any attention, she had honestly lost count of the amount of cuts and bruises she had gotten this mission.

Tossing her arm forward, Katarina watched as several men flew through the air and collided with trees.

"You nearly done, Soldier?" She asked through the comms.

"Just about. How're things out there?"

"That panther put up more of a fight." Katarina joked whilst tossing a knife into someones chest. The two of them had come across a panther a few days back. It had taken Katarina by surprise and clawed it's way down her back before James managed to drag it off her. James had cleaned and stitched her up all whilst moaning how Natasha was going to beat them both to a pulp for each and every new scar they had.

James laughed, "I'll be out in a minute."

"This fight will be over in a minute." Katarina told him, sweeping her arm out and sending a targets bullets straight back into them. Her nose was bleeding from the stress her powers were putting on her body and her entire body was drenched in sweat. Taking a gun from the body next to her, Katarina swiftly and efficently took down the remaining stragglers just as James came bursting out of the compound.

"Clear?" He asked looking around their battle ground. Bodies were scattered everywhere, blood was staining the ground, trees were filled with bullet holes and Katarina stood alone in the middle of it all breathing heavily.

"Clear." She panted.

"You okay?"

Katarina nodded, "Lets get out of here. I need a shower."

James laughed, "Me too."

By the time James and Katarina had gotten back to New York and debriefed they were even more exhausted, their second and third winds gone and all they wanted to do was toss themselves onto the nearest flat surface and sleep. Luckily for them, Maria had offered them a ride back to Avengers Tower.

Katarina was fighting against her heavy eye lids when Maria pulled the car up, she shook herself slightly hoping it would rid her of her lethargy.

"You two gonna be okay?" Maria asked, looking at Katarina through her mirror.

Katarina nodded.

"We're fine." James told her. "We just need some sleep."

"Enjoy your time off." Maria bid them goodybye and pulled away. If Katarina had to guess she was going straight back to S.H.I.E.L.D, the woman worked more than Pepper.

"Nats gonna kill you for getting like this." James told her as she leaned on him.

"'M just tired." She slurred slightly. She had used her powers more during this mission then she usually did and it had wiped her out.

James half dragged Katarina to her room, who was saddened when she saw it was empty, and pushed her onto the bed.

"I'll see you in the morning." He whispered backing out of the room and going to his own.

Katarina was too tired to get properly ready for bed and just yanked her jeans off leaving her in a vest top and pants and wriggled her way under the quilt.

The bed was softer than she remembered, or maybe her body just wasn't used to it after a week of sleeping on the cold, hard ground. It was cold though and lonely. She had been spoilt sleeping next to Natasha. She liked the intimacy of it, the way that even in this large bed they laid as close as possible, completley wrapped up in each other. She loved how, when they were both in the bed it was like only the two of them existed and they could just be themselves, no Black Widow and Siren, no S.H.I.E.L.D, no Hydra or Red Room, just them.

Katarina pulled the quilt more securily around her in an attempt to stave of the sudden overwhelming loneliness. She missed Natasha. Finally, she fell asleep, clutching onto the pillow that smelled like Natasha, cocooned in the quilt trying to stay warm.

When Katarina woke up it was because the bedroom door opened. Katarina shot up, pulling a knife from it's place behind the bedside table.

"It's just me." Natasha cooed from her place near the door. Katarina focused on the spot as her eyes adjusted to the dark. "You're safe." Natasha continued when she saw Katarina was still holding onto the knife.

"Nat?" Katarina asked, rubbing at her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Late, or early, it depends what kind of person you are." Natasha smirked.

Katarina groaned and tossed herself back on the bed. Without looking she put her knife back in its hiding place before curling around the pillow and falling back to sleep.

She woke up again a few minutes later to a soft hand gently caressing her face, bleary eyed she looked for the person the hand belonged to.

"Can I have my pillow back?" Natasha asked, gently.

Katarina shook her head and burrowed further into it.

"Why not?"

"Ha odori come te." _It smells like you._ Katarina sleepily murmured in Italian.

Natasha couldn't contain her grin. Sleepy Katarina was adorable. "I'm here now and I smell like me, cuddle me instead?"

With some unintelligable mumbles, Katarina reliquished the pillow, transferring her Koala-like grip onto Natasha the moment the red-head got into the bed. Katarina snuggled into the crook of Natasha's shoulder and pressed her lips to Natasha's collar bone.

"Missed you."

"Missed you, too. Go back to sleep, we can talk more in the morning."

Morning came far too early for Katarina's liking, the sun shone through a tiny gap in the curtains directly into her eyes making it so she couldn't go back to sleep. Some time during the night Katarina and Natasha had switched positions and it was now Natasha who had a vice-like grip on Katarina.

Even with the annoyance of the sun Katarina couldn't help but think this was one of the best ways to wake up. She also had to admit the way the sun shone of Natasha's hair was nothing short of magical.

A whimper caught Katarina's attention but before she could do anything, Natasha's eyes shot open and she jumped from the bed.

"Natasha?" Katarina asked quietly, slowly. "Natasha, you're safe. You're safe, Natasha."

A wild fist flew through the air and it was only thats to Katarina's years of training that she managed to dodge it.

"Natalia!" Katarina yelled finally waking up Natasha.

Natasha shot up quickly her breaths coming in quick, harsh pants.

Katarina waited until Natasha was more aware of her surroundings before touching her. "It was just a dream, Natasha, you're safe." Slowly so Natasha could stop her if she wanted Katarina wrapped her in a warm, comforting hug. "You are safe, Natasha." She kept whispering.

When Natasha's breathing finally went back to normal, Katarina placed a comforting kiss to her temple. "Would you like to talk about your dream?"

Natasha's hands shook with the effort it took to calm down. "It wasn't a dream. A memory." Her eyes looking into the darkness, her mind miles away.

Katarina stayed quiet, asking any more questions would only result in Natasha shutting down. She would wait until Natasha was ready.

Katarina had no idea how long they sat there, Natasha wrapped in her arms as her fingers carded through red hair.

"How was the mission?" Natasha asked quietly.

"It sucked."

"Steve told me Bucky has a few new scars." Katarina could hear the unasked question.

"I got a few cuts and bruises and a new impressive scar on my back. It's nothing to worry about."

"I always worry about you." Natasha moved from the hug to look Katarina in the eye. "People worry about the people they love."

"I love you, too." Katarina kissed her softly.

Natasha pulled at her shirt. "I want to see this new scar."

"As you wish."

In one fluid move, Katarina pulled the baggy sleeping top off and raised an eyebrow at Natasha. "You know there is a lot more fun one can have with a half naked women?"

"Hush you." Natasha lightly hit her on the arm. "Turn around."

Katarina sighed but did as she was told. Fingers traced the three long scars down her back making Katarina shudder.

"Claws?"

"A panther got the drop on us."

Natasha hummed before leaning forward and tracing the scars with her lips. "I was back in the Red Room."

The sudden change almost gave Katarina whiplash.

"In the dream." Natasha's lips were still on her scars. "It was the first time I had to kill someone. I almost failed, I didn't want to hurt him, he looked terrified. He looked terrified and I shot him. I don't even know his name."

"If you hadn't they would've killed you. If you hadn't shot him they would've slowly tortured both you and him to death. You did what you had to do to survive, Nat, you're a survivor."

Katarina turned around and placed a loving kiss on Natasha's forhead.

"And I for one am so happy you did. So many people would've died if not for you, Natasha. I would not have a life if it weren't for you."

 **A.N: So it's been years and I'm sorry. This chapter has been written for ages but I always felt like it lacked something, and was too short. I've decided to put it up anyway and see if I can do something better with the next chapter. Thank you if you're still reading this after so long, I'll try and get another chapter out soon.**


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